Body Image: The survey results are in
In February, I put out a call to the Silver & Grace community to complete a survey on body image. The response was overwhelming.
Silver & Grace women told two friends, and they told two friends, and they told two friends … and answers to the survey questions poured in. It just goes to show how important the topic of body image is to all of us.
The responses to each question asked will be analyzed over a series of articles. I know everyone is very curious as to how other people responded, so here is the posting schedule:
March 17 – Do we love our bodies?
March 31 – Are we willing to go under the knife?
April 7 – Are we sexy?
April 14 – How do we view our body parts?
April 21 – Who do we compare ourselves to?
April 28 – Are we satisfied with our weight?
May 5 – Are we looking forward to aging?
Survey respondents
Although Silver & Grace is intended for the over forty crowd, 36% of the respondents were under the age of forty. It was gratifying to have the younger women participate. It will be interesting to see from the survey results if the younger women view themselves differently than the older women.
For the over forty participants, here is the age breakdown:
- 40 – 49 years old – 20%
- 50 – 59 years old – 30%
- 60 – 69 years old – 10%
- over 70 years old – 4%
And it wasn’t just women who participated. Men made up 2% of the respondents. Thank you, gentlemen. I will be adding your two cents into the analysis.
A teaser
I tried to go into this survey without preconceived notions of the outcome. But that is, of course, challenging given I have my own body image concepts.
Some of the answers I certainly expected. For example, there is hardly a single woman who likes her belly area. However, I have to admit some of the responses blew me away. The majority answers were absolutely not what I expected. And no, I’m not giving you an example; hence the word teaser.
Reader involvement
Silver & Grace is a place for us to share our thoughts on the spiritual and physical aspects of aging. Your responses to this survey helped to collect your thoughts into nicely packaged statistics to analyze. However, survey questions force us into yes/no and black/white answers. I, therefore, encourage everyone to add their opinions and concerns on each of these important topics in the comments section of each post.
I am really looking forward to some in depth conversations of how we view our bodies, be we under forty or over forty.
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Book review: Shmirshky
Ladies! You have to read the book Shmirshky, by E. And then you have to get your spouse, children, and anyone else who deals with Perimenopausal/Menopausal You to read it.
Warning: do not read this book on the bus. You will laugh out loud many times and risk looking odd.
First, some terms:
shmirshky – vagina; woman; female; babe
As opposed to
erlick – penis; man; male; dude.
So, this book is written by a shmirshky about her shmirshky, for other shmirshkies with shmirshkies. But it is also an excellent book for erlicks to learn about shmirshkies and their shmirshkies.
Confused? Allow me to translate.
This book is written by a woman, about her vagina, for other women with vaginas. But it is also an excellent book for men to learn about women and their vaginas.
Bottom line, it’s a survivors guide to perimenopause and menopause.
Shmirshky is brilliantly funny. And yet, really all E does is take common universal female truths and dare to write about them. Like this annoying female fact:
The only consistent thing about my period was that it always seemed to join my husband and me on our vacations (including our honeymoon!). Of course, everyone wants to take their period with them on vacation, right? … My husband, David, my period, and I have been to many fun places over the past thirty-two years.
Sound familiar, girls?
Yet, Shmirshky is also serious. In reference to our stoic female need to always be the care giver, hiding any need to be the care receiver:
Whole generations of shmirshkies are involved in this cover-up; everyone thinks they have to be “fine” … By the way, the next time a shmirshky you love says that she’s “fine”, ask her how she really feels.
I have read many books on perimenopause and menopause. Most very well written, but none of them just tell it like it is with quite the same boldness. Be it the good, the bad, or the outright bitchface.
All the information you need on symptoms, tests, and treatments is covered in this wonderful little book. But it’s all in layman, sorry layshmirshky terms, and wrapped in humour and love.
Love for ourselves, love for our shmirshkies, and yes, even love for our perimenopause and menopause, or PM&M as E shortens it to. After all, as E discovered:
We don’t go through PM&M, as I had originally thought, but rather, we are PM&M.
I am giving this book to my husband to read. Actually, what I said to him was “I am going to make you read this book.” He’s wonderfully supportive, but I think he’s a tad dazed and confused by what I am going through. This is a fun way for him to gain some insight.
Even if you have read copious amounts of information on perimenopause and menopause, I highly recommend this book, if only for the entertainment value!
I gained some new information, but what was truly wonderful was the feeling I walked away with. That I am not alone.
In her book, E truly promotes the Silver & Grace philosophy of community. It’s all about SoS ….
Sisterhood of Shmirshky – all the ladies near and far.
Important Information!
Copies of Shmirshky will be given away in a contest here at Silver & Grace on March 16.
Silver & Grace is thrilled to offer its own Sisterhood of Shmirshky a 20% discount on all copies purchased through E’s website. Please go to Shmirshky.com and put in promotional code: SILVERGRACE.
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Book Review: What Should I Do With The Rest Of My Life?
I am a huge sucker for real life stories. You can throw all the theory at me you like, but I want to see the rubber hit the road. Where real people accomplish real things. What Should I Do With The Rest Of My Life?, by Bruce Frankel, is chock full of real people accomplishing very real things.
And the truly unique part about their stories? These accomplishments occurred after what we traditionally think of as retirement age.
Frankel starts the Introduction with the following:
“This is a book of profiles of people who have succeeded after sixty. Their stories are not simply examples of successful aging, they are inspirational in the truest sense … They do not so much defy age as defy the limitation that our culture places on age … “
Each story made me sit up and go “Wow, they are how old and doing that?”
My husband doesn’t need to read the book because at the end of each chapter I excitedly described the person, their age, and what they have accomplished. “Can you believe that?”, I would end each summary with.
Thirteen people are profiled, with accomplishments ranging from physical to artistic to political to entrepreneurial. All ordinary people who discovered passions after sixty.
Who knew you could become an elite runner without having run your first race until your sixtieth birthday? Or become a professional dancer in your seventies? Or write award winning novels in your nineties?
No word of a lie, this book caused me to stop procrastinating and sign up for a half-marathon race. I won’t come anywhere close to Margie Stoll’s race times, but at almost thirty years her junior I better be able to cross the finish line.
Reading the different stories, there doesn’t appear to be any common thread that you can point to and say “Aha! That’s why they driven to follow their passions so late in life.” Interestingly, however, Frankel points out the following commonality:
“As unique as each is, as a group the individuals in What Should I Do with the Rest of My Life? have done what scientists tell us we should do: they maintain healthy diets, exercise regularly, challenge themselves, fill their lives with novel experiences and varied social connections.”
Isn’t this what we should all be doing throughout our entire lives?
If so, we are setting ourselves up for some pretty spectacular accomplishments later in life. I wonder what mine will be?
Have your say:
Do you know of anyone who has successfully pursued a passion or dream after the age of sixty?
Once all the children are gone, and the career is winding down, what passion would you pursue?
Please visit:
Bruce Frankel’s website: http://www.brucefrankel.net/
Bruce Frankel’s blog: http://www.brucefrankel.net/index.php/site/articles/
More information!
A copy of What Should I Do With The Rest Of My Life? will be given away in a contest here at Silver & Grace on March 29th.
What Should I Do With The Rest Of My Life? is available for purchase through Amazon by clicking the Silver & Grace book recommendations.
To find out what other people are saying about this book, check out the following TLC Book Tour reviews:
Tuesday, March 9th: Journeys and Ohh.. Books!
Thursday, March 11th: A Garden Carried in My Pocket
Wednesday, March 17th: Truth 2 Being Fit
Thursday, March 18th: Patricia’s Wisdom
Monday, March 22nd: Erasing the Bored
Tuesday, March 23rd: Jane Be Nimble
Monday, March 24th: Luxury Reading
Thursday, March 25th: Happy Lotus
Sharing a challenge
As much as I love researching articles and reviewing books and products for Silver & Grace, my greatest pleasure comes from sharing other women’s stories. I do this through the Graceful Women’s stories.
This is where all the joys and challenges I talk about in my posts are examined in the light of real lives of real women. So, I thought it was time I walked my own talk, and wrote about my life from the Silver & Grace focus of physical and spiritual growth.
To that end, each Friday I will posting about a physical and spiritual challenge I have committed myself to. Training for and running a half-marathon race on Sunday, May 30, 2010.
To date I have run a 5k race and two 10k races. In the second 10K, I beat my first race by a full 4 minutes. My brother, who got me racing in the first place, announced it was now time to up the ante and run a half marathon. That was in May 2008 and my goal was to run the half in May 2009.
I signed up for the race and I did train, but I didn’t allow for how much training distance you have to put in before the race. And, therefore, how far in advance you need to start.
In the end, I pushed myself too hard in training, lost motivation, and stood on the sidelines to cheer my brother on in his race.
This year, however, I ran all Winter on a treadmill. The maximum distance I have done in a single run is only 4 miles, but at least I’m not starting from scratch.
Still, it’s a big challenge I set for myself, and will require physical and spiritual discipline. But, it’s a done deal. I’m all signed up.
And just to help me stay on track, I publically posted my training schedule on the outside of my Dilbert cube office at work. I work with a tough and unforgiving crowd of wonderful hooligans. Failure means public razzing.
Sadly for them, they shall not be given the chance!
Victory, as they say, is mine.
Have your say:
Are you undertaking a particular physical, mental, or spiritual challenge this year? If so, please feel free to share your journey. We can all support each other.
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Interview: Authors Patricia and Robert Gussin
Patricia and Robert Gussin are co-authors of the book What’s Next for You? This is a delightful memoir and guide on living life to the fullest after retirement. Or as Patricia calls it, graduation. If you haven’t already read my book review, it is located here.
I’m the type of person who reads a good non-fiction book, then wants to know the rest of the story. The Gussins were kind enough to indulge me.
Retirement and Debt
Eliza asked:
It is clear from your book that you looked before you leaped financially, but you still made purchases when you weren’t really sure you could afford them. What is your philosophy on money and debt at this stage of your life?
The Gussins answered:
Financial security is always a consideration when deciding how to approach retirement. Coming from very modest backgrounds, we knew that we had to take care and not stretch beyond our means. Having said that, we had had very successful careers, and even if we were to slip some financially, we felt comfortable going back to a less expensive life style. So we were willing to risk substantial amounts of money to live our dream, but we always kept in mind “the worst case scenario”. No matter how badly we might fail, we would not be left starving or without a roof over our heads. So there is some thought that goes into “thoughtful impulsiveness”.
As for debt, we don’t like it. And who does? But the reality is that in some financial circumstances, it’s sensible to take on low interest debt rather than to use higher yield savings or to sell assets.
Balancing individual interests
Eliza asked:
Robert, I chuckled out loud when I read your fears about Patricia deciding to write fiction. But it was very honest. Sometimes my husband comes up with a grand scheme and I think ‘Oh dear, what if he can’t pull that off?’ And Patricia, when Robert took over in the kitchen, instead of embracing it you could just as easily felt displaced. What underlying aspect of your relationship contributes to each other being able to change roles and encourage individual projects and challenges?
The Gussins answered:
Lots of love and trust and mutual respect underlies it all. We have tremendous confidence in each other’s abilities and we both are pretty flexible in what we are willing to try. So we each go along with the others “interesting” ideas with the prediction that they’ll be successful and fun. Pat is still celebrating her liberation from the cooking and Bob loves his status as the good impressionist, the Monet of the kitchen!
Becoming grandparents
Eliza asked:
Patricia, you mention that you would love to have all your children and grandchildren live within a ‘family compound’ where everyone moves freely in and out of each other’s homes. Robert might be inclined to add some locks. For us, actually, the opposite is true. My husband is trying to figure out how to buy each of our neighbours’ homes as they become available to house our children. Same city, different neighborhoods works just for me, thank you all the same.
The Gussins answered:
As far as the adult children and grandchildren, Bob is more like you, and Pat more like your husband. Pat loves kids and would love to have them all live in a compound. Bob enjoys them, but not all the time, every day. We’ve observed grandparenting among our friends and believe that like most things in life, a happy medium is the best. Our kids need to live their own lives and develop their own relationships with their children. As grandparents, we need to be available, but not meddlesome. Our job is supportive. Every family unit is different and we have to respect that. For us, our kids do keep wondering where we are going next and whatever we do, we know that they will be encouraging.
After all, do they really want us having so much free time that we start to micromanage them? We don’t think so.
What’s Next for You? is available for purchase through Amazon by clicking the Silver & Grace book recommendations.
Have your say:
Which side of financial fence do you sit on? Being debt free by retirement, or accepting debt?
If you are retired, did you find that roles changed between you and your partner?
What challenges do you face as a grandparent, either with your spouse, or your adult children?
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Book give-away: How to Save Your Own Life
Another book give-away contest! This time it is Michael Gates Gill’s How to Save Your Own Life. Check out my book review if you haven’t already read it. I know you will want a copy for your very own.
TLC Book Tours has once again arranged to have a copy mailed directly to you from the publishers. Here’s what you need to do to win a copy of How to Save Your Own Life:
1. Using the Silver & Grace contact form send me an email
2. In the subject line write How to Save Your Own Life Give-away
3. Submit email by March 7, 2010, midnight, Eastern Standard Time
After the contest close, I will number the submissions in order of receipt and pick a winner using a random number generator.
I will notify the winner by return email and ask for an address to mail the book to.
Then TLC Book Tours will have the book sent to you.
Easy-peasy!
Have fun and good luck.
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Putting menopause insomnia to rest
I always get up in the middle of the night to go to the washroom. In the past I wouldn’t even really wake up. I would just stumble through the deed on auto-pilot, back asleep as my head hit the pillow.
Not anymore. Now when I get up in the middle of the night, I stay up. Oh, I go back to bed, but I’m done sleeping for a good hour or more.
The alarm goes off shortly after managing to drift back to sleep. So, I haul myself out of bed and head off to work. But, I’m in good company once I get there, because I hear more than one woman my age complain about being awake for a good part of the night.
Menopausal insomnia. Gotta love it.
Most of the literature associates the sleeplessness with night sweats. I’ve never had night sweats, so that’s clearly not my problem. I just find that I’ve become a very light sleeper, and any disruption brings me to a fully awake state. Heading off to the bathroom wakes me up, and returning to a snoring Mr Very Right keeps me up.
And if the bedroom isn’t pitch black, I might as well not even bother going to bed.
Eliminate sleep disruptions
There are ways to help get a good night’s sleep. Obviously eliminating disruptions help. I find not turning on any lights when I go for my middle of the night bathroom visit helps. And ear plugs block out my husband’s symphony. We also have thick shutters that block out all external light sources.
Tryptophan is your friend
Tryptophan is used by our bodies to make serotonin, which controls sleep patterns. Drinking milk before bed helps. Most literature suggests the milk has to be warm, but there isn’t actually any evidence that the tryptophan is more bio-available in warm milk versus cold. Personally, the thought of drinking warm milk makes me queasy, so I drink mine cold.
Other tryptophan sources are:
- bananas
- dates
- figs
- tuna
- grapefruit
- peanut butter
- and the ever famous sleep inducer, turkey
Other sleep inducers
Exercise! When I run during the day, I sleep much better.
Take time to unwind from a busy day. Turn off the electronics and pick up a book. I used to play those fun little computer games just before bedtime, but then I’d lie there staring at the ceiling while my mind blew up little coloured balls.
What not to do before bed
Drinking caffeine and alcohol should be avoided three to four hours before bedtime. If you like a nice cup of tea to wind down with in the evening, make sure its herbal.
Make sure you eat these foods early in the day, as they act as stimulants:
- cheese
- bacon
- sausage
- tomatoes
- spinach
Don’t watch the clock
The absolute worse thing I can do when I can’t get back to sleep is watch the clock. That just makes me anxious and irritable about how long it’s taking me to get back to sleep, and how soon the darn alarm clock is going to go off.
Instead, I just lie there in a relaxed state. I might not be sleeping, but at least my body and mind are resting. Most days, therefore, I am still able to get up feeling somewhat refreshed, and on the days I truly am exhausted I just go to bed a little earlier and hope it all evens out in the wash.
Your thoughts:
- When you find yourself wide awake in the middle of the night, do you stay in bed, or do you get up and do something until you are tired again?
- Are there foods or activities that you absolutely have to avoid at night in order to get a good sleep?
Suggested reading:
How to Beat Insomnia Through Menopause
Menopause Insomnia: Symptoms and Treatments
Eliminate Menopause Insomnia And Sleep Well Again
Your turn
Do you have a personal story to share? Silver & Grace is always looking for stories that turn the theory into reality. To submit your story click here.
Is there a topic related to the spiritual or physical aspect of aging gracefully that you would like to see covered? Please send post ideas to Eliza by using the Silver & Grace contact form.
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Book review: What’s Next for You?
The first thing that struck me when I received The Gussin Guide to Big Changes, Big Decisions, & Big Fun was the non-assuming cover. It looked more like the original Monopoly box than a fancy schmancy user guide. But, it turns out that reading Robert and Patricia Gussin’s book was remarkably similar to Monopoly. In that, it provided the same comfort as sitting around the family kitchen table playing a time proven board game
What’s Next for You? is not so much of a guide, as a memoir of how of a couple went from fulfilling careers to retirement to fulfilling careers. The premise is there is an exciting life to be led during retirement. However, the lessons to be learned are not implicitly stated in the book. Which is quite refreshing actually.
By the time I finished What’s Next for You?, which includes passages written by both Robert and Patricia, I felt that we were old friends. That I had just spent a fun afternoon with them sipping wine while hearing about their adventures. Extracting how I might emulate their adventures is left entirely up to me.
I am not likely to build a six bedroom home on the ocean, buy vineyards and a winery in New Zealand, nor start a book publishing business. All after I retire! However, inspired by their energy and zest for life, I am more convinced than ever that retirement is really a graduation to another stage of life.
Patricia, by the way, refuses to use the word retirement, opting for the word graduation. Retirement, by definition, implies withdrawal. Graduation suggests moving onto something else.
What’s Next for You? provided me with two clear lessons. The first one is labelled by the Gussins thoughtful impulsiveness. It is all about being open to opportunities and adventure, while still collecting all your facts. In other words, don’t go off half-cocked, but after you have done your homework, be willing to take a risk.
The second lesson comes from their book dedication; admittedly a section I normally don’t pay attention to.
“This book is dedicated to our children and grandchildren, who always wonder what we’ll do next.”
This is exactly how Mr Very Right and I want to live our lives. Our children are already getting a taste of our creative energies, but if we can always keep ‘em guessing right up to the end, we will have lived a very rich life indeed.
If you are wondering how you are going to fill your days when you retire, I recommend What’s Next for You? If you end up doing half as much as Robert and Patricia Gussin, I promise you the days will fly by.
What’s Next for You? is available for purchase through Amazon by clicking the Silver & Grace book recommendations.
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Graceful Women: Why I went gray; or, conversations with Ed
The top post at Silver & Grace, based on search hits, is Gray hair can be beautiful and sexy. Here I briefly touch on my own decision to go gray, and display a photo of myself in all my gray haired glory.
It’s a hot topic, this going gray business. Hot enough for Anne Kreamer to write an entire book on it, which I reviewed and then gave away in a contest.
Andrea Squires was the lucky winner of the contest, and receipt of the book coincided with her own going gray transition. I asked Andrea to tell her going gray journey, and what she shared was incredible story of self acceptance.
Here is Andrea’s story:
I decided to let my hair go gray for the same reason I had changed my hair color a million times: I was bored.
Or so I thought.
As I went through the tedious and sometimes disturbing process of letting my reddish-brown hair turn to pepper-and-salt, it turned out that my reasons went deeper. I had many pillow conversations about it with Ed, often at 3:00 am.
Ed always lets me know his opinions. A head-butt means “more scratching, now” and a gentle bite means “shut up, I’m trying to sleep.” Ed is 19, old for a cat, and did not get this far by letting the Meaning of Life interrupt his sleep.
In the end, letting my hair go gray is an outward sign of finally accepting me. I’m 49, never married, no children, unless you count Ed (which he does). As a young woman, I fell in love with theatre. I struggled to make a living as a performer. Gradually, I got tired of the road and ramen noodles, and settled to jobs in the computer industry. I stayed in Dilbert-Land for close to a decade, gaining weight and feeling trapped.
Three years ago, something in me woke up. On impulse, I applied for a dream job teaching presentation at a major museum—and got the job! I moved to Virginia, and started performing in a storytelling program.
Through teaching and stories, I discovered my own voice. As children and adults listened to me, I found that I valued myself. There is a strong folk tradition that age is strength, not weakness. From studying the stories of many cultures, I’m learning that age is an honorable, earned state and not a deficit.
Singlehood can be hard, as can the choice not to have children. Over the years, when I felt internal or external pressures to find a mate, I was prey to what I call the magic “If …”
“If I were 30 pounds lighter I would be sexy …”
“If my hair were that color, I could look younger …”
“If I were more disciplined, I could (fill-in-the-blank) …”
Sound familiar? I hated my body, my face, my hair, my personality … you name it, I thought it should change. I lived for a magical time when all the “Ifs” would come true. But that time never comes. It’s a mirage.
So I’m working on losing the “Ifs”—all but one. If I don’t try to appreciate who I am right now, warts and all, I will simply waste more of my precious life.
Ed would be biting my hand about now, so I’ll finish with my favorite moment from going gray. A young hairstylist commented that if I didn’t color my hair I would “look older.” Without really thinking about it, I smiled and said, “That’s OK with me.”
Your turn
Do you have a personal story to share? Silver & Grace is always looking for stories that turn the theory into reality. To submit your story click here.
Is there a topic related to the spiritual or physical aspect of aging gracefully that you would like to see covered? Please send post ideas to Eliza by using the Silver & Grace contact form.
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Body Image Survey
What are we supposed to look like as we age? According to the media and beauty industry, we are supposed to be wrinkle free. We are supposed to have impossibly perky breasts. We are supposed to have tiny waists and flat tummies. And heaven forbid we show a strand of gray hair!
We are told that our men will have a mid-life crisis and leave us for much younger women.
We aren’t supposed to enjoy sex. And if we do, it better be in a long established loving relationship. Sex for the sake of enjoying being sexual creatures? That’s for Cougars!
But the reality is, our skin is wrinkled. Our breasts are hanging lower. Our waists have expanded and our tummies are rounded.
That gray hair? Short of dying our roots once a week, it will show through.
Based on this, what is the reality of how we view our bodies as we age?
Well, we are going to find out. As a group!
Please take moment to fill out this completely anonymous survey on Body Image. It will take less than five minutes of your time.
Have your say about Body Image. Click here to take survey.
Then make sure you check back in March to find out what we all had to say about how we view our bodies.
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