Book Review: Lonely

Lone-ly [lohn-lee] -adjective- affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.

The dictionary then goes onto describe lonely as destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship. But what if you had friends. Even quite a number of them, but you were still lonesome?

Remote from places of human habitation; desolate. But what if you lived right downtown surrounded by hustle and bustle, but you were still lonesome?

Standing apart; isolated. But what if you went to work and interacted with people everyday but you were still lonesome?

And what if this feeling of loneliess went on for weeks, months, even years? And nothing you did could bring you a feeling of connection?

You would be suffering from chronic loneliness, just like Emily White, author of Lonely.

I have certainly spent long hours alone, but I have never even in my grimmest moments ever felt lonely. I knew that I could pick up the phone, call a friend or family member and feel connected. I knew that if nobody was available when I called, I could haul my sorry butt out for walk, nod at a complete stranger, and feel connected.

Emily could be in the thick of a family party and feel desperately lonely. She could sit on a crowded subway catching the eye of strangers all sharing the same experience of a daily commute and feel desperately lonely. And this frightened her, and it shamed her.

Healthcare professionals labelled Emily’s symptoms as depression, but she knew she was not depressed. She was lonely, yet this never came up as a diagnosis. So, Emily embarked on a mission to find out on her own what she was experiencing, and whether she was unique.

Turns out she is not, yet as a society we sweep loneliness under the rug. Oh sure, we accept temporary loneliness from divorce or death of a loved one. We allow an adjustment period. But someone who is simply lonely? Boy, does that make us uncomfortable. So we offer advice like join a gym, or have people over for dinner. What we fail to understand is that you cannot force connection when the ability to connect is not there.

Lonely is the accumulation of Emily’s extensive research into loneliness, and her own personal experiences, and the experiences of people she interviewed. It is also a plea to take chronic loneliness out of its dark closet and shine a light on it. To educate healthcare professionals on its existence. To recognize it as a very real affliction. To spend research dollars on it.

To let people with chronic loneliness know they are not unique.

To make it acceptable for people to say I am lonely, and I need help.

You can learn more about Emily White and Lonely at http://www.lonelythebook.com/

This book tour is sponsored by TLC Book Tours.

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