Comments on: Book review: The Narcissist – A User’s Guide

By: Eliza

Eliza — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 01:04:11 +0000

@Davina – I do not identify myself as a victim. I identify myself as someone who has spent her lifetime growing into herself. For a period of time that meant I was wallowing in some pretty gross muck. But used properly, muck is fertlizer for some very beautiful gardens. When I was receiving counselling for my breakup, the therapist said that in a year’s time I would want to thank my partner. At the time, I thought “‘Are you crazy, lady?!” At the end of the year, I sent him a thank you letter and wished him well. It wasn’t facetious. I really meant thank you, and I hope someday he finds peace with himself if he hasn’t already. We cannot control or change anyone’s behaviours but our own. I could not have put any other spin on this book.

By: Eliza

Eliza — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 00:56:18 +0000

@Patricia – well worth the read cover to cover. And thank you, obviously this is a project that struck a personal chord for me, and I am honoured to promote it.

By: Davina

Davina — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 00:48:22 +0000

Eliza, I have a two-word comment — Great post!

I mean it. I like how you’ve put the spin on this to work on OURSELVES and watch our own patterns and behaviour. After all, that’s what a User’s Guide is for. Yes!

By: Tweets that mention Book review: The Narcissist – A User’s Guide | Silver and Grace -- Topsy.com

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 00:44:44 +0000

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by UrbanPanther, betsywuebker. betsywuebker said: Thanks to @UrbanPanther for the funniest two-word review of our e-book at Silver and Grace: http://bit.ly/aJMQs7 [...]

By: Patricia

Patricia — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 23:47:02 +0000

Excellent review…both writings….

I will have to finish reading it….they did a great job so far…

By: Eliza

Eliza — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 22:36:27 +0000

@Lori – to be honest the second time around, I found my way out of the ‘spin cycle’ fairly quickly due to the love of a very good man who did an intervention on me. He pointed out how upset and sad I was, and how awful that made him feel to have me upset and sad. And he kept pointing it out until I realized he was right. Mind you, people pointed out how horrible my first situation was, but I was deaf to what they had to say. At least the second time around, I was able to ‘hear’.

By: Lori Hoeck

Lori Hoeck — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:58:43 +0000

Hi Eliza,

Thank you a great review!

I like this: “Often, we are able to find a pattern to the type of toxicity. It is at this point, we can work on ourselves, because that’s the only way we break free of destructive cycles.”

Narcissists and other users or abusers prey on our weaknesses, not our strengths. After being told for so long “it is your fault,” we tend to believe it. Until we discover the underlying relationship dynamics driving the whole thing, we are set on a spin cycle and unable to rediscover our self confidence or set firm boundaries. I’m glad you found your way off of the spin cycle, and I’m humbled to read your words, “They confirmed that everything I experienced was very real. The damage to my psyche was very real. And the length of time it took to recover was very real.”

By: Eliza

Eliza — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 11:10:18 +0000

@Betsy – I strongly believe that we are in all relationships for a reason. Even the bad ones. Self-awareness of why helps us keep the good ones, and dump the bad ones.

By: Betsy Wuebker

Betsy Wuebker — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 10:33:03 +0000

Hi Eliza – Thank you for a wonderful review. You say, “Because we invite them into our lives for a reason. And until we figure out what that is, we cannot ask them to leave. Nor can we make sure we never open the relationship door to other narcissists.” That is so correct.

Sometimes the knowledge that the reason isn’t “right” is enough to make the first step toward a healthy boundary, but, as you say, there is still more understanding required to recognize what was in it for you. The narcissist lives in a hell they’ve built, brick by brick. It’s helpful to understand that, but more productive to know why you were attracted to it and how you can move toward a better place.

We greatly appreciate your support of this project. If anyone has a story to share, we’d love to receive it in email: betsywuebker AT passingthru DOT com. Thanks again.