Body Image: The survey results are in

In February, I put out a call to the Silver & Grace community to complete a survey on body image. The response was overwhelming.

Silver & Grace women told two friends, and they told two friends, and they told two friends … and answers to the survey questions poured in. It just goes to show how important the topic of body image is to all of us.

The responses to each question asked will be analyzed over a series of articles. I know everyone is very curious as to how other people responded, so here is the posting schedule:

March 17 – Do we love our bodies?
March 31 – Are we willing to go under the knife?
April 7 – Are we sexy?
April 14 – How do we view our body parts?
April 21 – Who do we compare ourselves to?
April 28 – Are we satisfied with our weight?
May 5 – Are we looking forward to aging?

Survey respondents

Although Silver & Grace is intended for the over forty crowd, 36% of the respondents were under the age of forty. It was gratifying to have the younger women participate. It will be interesting to see from the survey results if the younger women view themselves differently than the older women.

For the over forty participants, here is the age breakdown:

  • 40 – 49 years old – 20%
  • 50 – 59 years old – 30%
  • 60 – 69 years old – 10%
  • over 70 years old – 4%

And it wasn’t just women who participated. Men made up 2% of the respondents. Thank you, gentlemen. I will be adding your two cents into the analysis.

A teaser

I tried to go into this survey without preconceived notions of the outcome. But that is, of course, challenging given I have my own body image concepts.

Some of the answers I certainly expected. For example, there is hardly a single woman who likes her belly area. However, I have to admit some of the responses blew me away. The majority answers were absolutely not what I expected. And no, I’m not giving you an example; hence the word teaser.

Reader involvement

Silver & Grace is a place for us to share our thoughts on the spiritual and physical aspects of aging. Your responses to this survey helped to collect your thoughts into nicely packaged statistics to analyze. However, survey questions force us into yes/no and black/white answers. I, therefore, encourage everyone to add their opinions and concerns on each of these important topics in the comments section of each post.

I am really looking forward to some in depth conversations of how we view our bodies, be we under forty or over forty.

Don’t miss out!

To make sure you don’t miss out on the survey results and any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email

Book review: Shmirshky

ShmirshkyLadies! You have to read the book Shmirshky, by E. And then you have to get your spouse, children, and anyone else who deals with Perimenopausal/Menopausal You to read it.

Warning: do not read this book on the bus. You will laugh out loud many times and risk looking odd.

First, some terms:

shmirshky – vagina; woman; female; babe

As opposed to

erlick – penis; man; male; dude.

So, this book is written by a shmirshky about her shmirshky, for other shmirshkies with shmirshkies. But it is also an excellent book for erlicks to learn about shmirshkies and their shmirshkies.

Confused? Allow me to translate.

This book is written by a woman, about her vagina, for other women with vaginas. But it is also an excellent book for men to learn about women and their vaginas.

Bottom line, it’s a survivors guide to perimenopause and menopause.

Shmirshky is brilliantly funny. And yet, really all E does is take common universal female truths and dare to write about them. Like this annoying female fact:

The only consistent thing about my period was that it always seemed to join my husband and me on our vacations (including our honeymoon!). Of course, everyone wants to take their period with them on vacation, right? … My husband, David, my period, and I have been to many fun places over the past thirty-two years.

Sound familiar, girls?

Yet, Shmirshky is also serious. In reference to our stoic female need to always be the care giver, hiding any need to be the care receiver:

Whole generations of shmirshkies are involved in this cover-up; everyone thinks they have to be “fine” … By the way, the next time a shmirshky you love says that she’s “fine”, ask her how she really feels.

I have read many books on perimenopause and menopause. Most very well written, but none of them just tell it like it is with quite the same boldness. Be it the good, the bad, or the outright bitchface.

All the information you need on symptoms, tests, and treatments is covered in this wonderful little book. But it’s all in layman, sorry layshmirshky terms, and wrapped in humour and love.

Love for ourselves, love for our shmirshkies, and yes, even love for our perimenopause and menopause, or PM&M as E shortens it to. After all, as E discovered:

We don’t go through PM&M, as I had originally thought, but rather, we are PM&M.

I am giving this book to my husband to read. Actually, what I said to him was “I am going to make you read this book.” He’s wonderfully supportive, but I think he’s a tad dazed and confused by what I am going through. This is a fun way for him to gain some insight.

Even if you have read copious amounts of information on perimenopause and menopause, I highly recommend this book, if only for the entertainment value!

I gained some new information, but what was truly wonderful was the feeling I walked away with. That I am not alone.

In her book, E truly promotes the Silver & Grace philosophy of community. It’s all about SoS ….

Sisterhood of Shmirshky – all the ladies near and far.

Important Information!

Copies of Shmirshky will be given away in a contest here at Silver & Grace on March 16.

Silver & Grace is thrilled to offer its own Sisterhood of Shmirshky a 20% discount on all copies purchased through E’s website. Please go to Shmirshky.com and put in promotional code: SILVERGRACE.

Don’t miss out!

To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email

Sharing a challenge

chriskoning_gr on Flickr.comAs much as I love researching articles and reviewing books and products for Silver & Grace, my greatest pleasure comes from sharing other women’s stories. I do this through the Graceful Women’s stories.

This is where all the joys and challenges I talk about in my posts are examined in the light of real lives of real women. So, I thought it was time I walked my own talk, and wrote about my life from the Silver & Grace focus of physical and spiritual growth.

To that end, each Friday I will posting about a physical and spiritual challenge I have committed myself to. Training for and running a half-marathon race on Sunday, May 30, 2010.

To date I have run a 5k race and two 10k races. In the second 10K, I beat my first race by a full 4 minutes. My brother, who got me racing in the first place, announced it was now time to up the ante and run a half marathon. That was in May 2008 and my goal was to run the half in May 2009.

I signed up for the race and I did train, but I didn’t allow for how much training distance you have to put in before the race. And, therefore, how far in advance you need to start.

In the end, I pushed myself too hard in training, lost motivation, and stood on the sidelines to cheer my brother on in his race.

This year, however, I ran all Winter on a treadmill. The maximum distance I have done in a single run is only 4 miles, but at least I’m not starting from scratch.

Still, it’s a big challenge I set for myself, and will require physical and spiritual discipline. But, it’s a done deal. I’m all signed up.

And just to help me stay on track, I publically posted my training schedule on the outside of my Dilbert cube office at work. I work with a tough and unforgiving crowd of wonderful hooligans. Failure means public razzing.

Sadly for them, they shall not be given the chance!

Victory, as they say, is mine.

Have your say:

Are you undertaking a particular physical, mental, or spiritual challenge this year? If so, please feel free to share your journey. We can all support each other.

Don’t miss out!

To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email

Putting menopause insomnia to rest

Lee Nachtigal on Flickr.comI always get up in the middle of the night to go to the washroom. In the past I wouldn’t even really wake up. I would just stumble through the deed on auto-pilot, back asleep as my head hit the pillow.

Not anymore. Now when I get up in the middle of the night, I stay up. Oh, I go back to bed, but I’m done sleeping for a good hour or more.

The alarm goes off shortly after managing to drift back to sleep. So, I haul myself out of bed and head off to work. But, I’m in good company once I get there, because I hear more than one woman my age complain about being awake for a good part of the night.

Menopausal insomnia. Gotta love it.

Most of the literature associates the sleeplessness with night sweats. I’ve never had night sweats, so that’s clearly not my problem. I just find that I’ve become a very light sleeper, and any disruption brings me to a fully awake state. Heading off to the bathroom wakes me up, and returning to a snoring Mr Very Right keeps me up.

And if the bedroom isn’t pitch black, I might as well not even bother going to bed.

Eliminate sleep disruptions

There are ways to help get a good night’s sleep. Obviously eliminating disruptions help. I find not turning on any lights when I go for my middle of the night bathroom visit helps. And ear plugs block out my husband’s symphony. We also have thick shutters that block out all external light sources.

Tryptophan is your friend

Tryptophan is used by our bodies to make serotonin, which controls sleep patterns. Drinking milk before bed helps. Most literature suggests the milk has to be warm, but there isn’t actually any evidence that the tryptophan is more bio-available in warm milk versus cold. Personally, the thought of drinking warm milk makes me queasy, so I drink mine cold.

Other tryptophan sources are:

  • bananas
  • dates
  • figs
  • tuna
  • grapefruit
  • peanut butter
  • and the ever famous sleep inducer, turkey

Other sleep inducers

Exercise! When I run during the day, I sleep much better.

Take time to unwind from a busy day. Turn off the electronics and pick up a book. I used to play those fun little computer games just before bedtime, but then I’d lie there staring at the ceiling while my mind blew up little coloured balls.

What not to do before bed

Drinking caffeine and alcohol should be avoided three to four hours before bedtime. If you like a nice cup of tea to wind down with in the evening, make sure its herbal.

Make sure you eat these foods early in the day, as they act as stimulants:

  • cheese
  • bacon
  • sausage
  • tomatoes
  • spinach

Don’t watch the clock

The absolute worse thing I can do when I can’t get back to sleep is watch the clock. That just makes me anxious and irritable about how long it’s taking me to get back to sleep, and how soon the darn alarm clock is going to go off.

Instead, I just lie there in a relaxed state. I might not be sleeping, but at least my body and mind are resting. Most days, therefore, I am still able to get up feeling somewhat refreshed, and on the days I truly am exhausted I just go to bed a little earlier and hope it all evens out in the wash.

Your thoughts:

  • When you find yourself wide awake in the middle of the night, do you stay in bed, or do you get up and do something until you are tired again?
  • Are there foods or activities that you absolutely have to avoid at night in order to get a good sleep?

Suggested reading:

How to Beat Insomnia Through Menopause
Menopause Insomnia: Symptoms and Treatments
Eliminate Menopause Insomnia And Sleep Well Again

Your turn

Do you have a personal story to share? Silver & Grace is always looking for stories that turn the theory into reality. To submit your story click here.

Is there a topic related to the spiritual or physical aspect of aging gracefully that you would like to see covered? Please send post ideas to Eliza by using the Silver & Grace contact form.

Don’t miss out!

To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email

Body Image Survey

EndangeredAngel on Flickr.comWhat are we supposed to look like as we age? According to the media and beauty industry, we are supposed to be wrinkle free. We are supposed to have impossibly perky breasts. We are supposed to have tiny waists and flat tummies. And heaven forbid we show a strand of gray hair!

We are told that our men will have a mid-life crisis and leave us for much younger women.

We aren’t supposed to enjoy sex. And if we do, it better be in a long established loving relationship. Sex for the sake of enjoying being sexual creatures? That’s for Cougars!

But the reality is, our skin is wrinkled. Our breasts are hanging lower. Our waists have expanded and our tummies are rounded.

That gray hair? Short of dying our roots once a week, it will show through.

Based on this, what is the reality of how we view our bodies as we age?

Well, we are going to find out. As a group!

Please take moment to fill out this completely anonymous survey on Body Image. It will take less than five minutes of your time.

Have your say about Body Image. Click here to take survey.

Then make sure you check back in March to find out what we all had to say about how we view our bodies.

Don’t miss out!

To make sure you don’t miss out on the results of this survey, subscribe by RSS or Email

Cooling down those hot flashes

Sarah G... on Flickr.comHot flashes are something I thankfully have not experienced yet. I know I won’t be too impressed with them as I would much rather be too cold than too hot. When you are cold you add layers, but when you are hot, once you are down to the buff, there isn’t much more you can do.

Besides, stripping down to the buff tends to be frowned upon in many social settings.

What to expect

I imagine for those of you who have already experienced hot flashes, you know exactly what to expect. But for those of us who haven’t, here’s what we have to look forward to:

  • a pressure that indicates a hot flash is on its way
  • spread of mild to intense heat on the upper body and face
  • red and blotchy skin on the face and upper body
  • rapid heartbeat
  • perspiration

All of this followed by a chill as the hot flash ends.

Estrogen and the hypothalamus

Remember biology class when we learned all about our brain? There’s a very important section called the hypothalamus, which controls, amongst other things, our body temperature.

When we overheat, the hypothalamus sends an emergency signal to our body: Ditch the heat! Now! As a result, we sweat to cool off and the blood vessels dilate to release heat through our skin.

This is a very good thing on those hot Summer days. However, when our estrogen levels drop the hypothalamus gets confused. It thinks we are overheating when we aren’t. Poof! Hot flashes.

Who experiences hot flashes?

According to the stats, 85% of us will frantically fan our faces for a couple of years as we enter peri-menopause. Some of us will have the not so good fortune to continue for quite a number years longer.

How can we reduce the number of incidences?

There are triggers for hot flashes. The trick is to pay attention and identify what sets yours off and avoid them.

Some triggers are:

  • stress
  • alcohol
  • spicy food
  • smoking
  • caffeine

And, of course, actually being in already hot situations such as

  • hot tubs
  • saunas
  • stuffy rooms

Making other lifestyle changes

As with all our other menopausal symptoms, developing healthy habits helps:

  • increase your exercise
  • take time to relax and de-stress
  • eat healthfully

Consult your health care practitioner

If your symptoms are severe and disruptive, you can discuss medical options such as:

  • blood pressure-lowering medication
  • anti-depressants
  • bio-identical hormone therapy

Be prepared

Given the inevitability of hot flashes, it’s best to be prepared:

  • Dress in layers
  • Avoid synthetic clothes; stick to natural fabrics such as cotton
  • Drink ice water
  • Use cotton sheets
  • Keep the bedroom nice and cool

And worse comes to worse, stick your head in the freezer. Seriously!

We have a walk-in fridge. I suspect I’ll be spending some time in there. At least I’ll be well fed.

Your say:

  • Any tips to share on how to reduce the number of hot flashes experienced?
  • What do you do to find relief while you are in middle of a hot flash?

Suggested Reading:

All About Hot Flashes
Hot flashes
10 Ways to Relieve Menopausal Hot Flashes

Your turn

Do you have a personal story to share? Silver & Grace is always looking for stories that turn the theory into reality. To submit your story click here.

Is there a topic related to the spiritual or physical aspect of aging gracefully that you would like to see covered? Please send post ideas to Eliza by using the Silver & Grace contact form.

Don’t miss out!

To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email

Book give-away contest: Female Brain Gone Insane

Time for another book give-away contest! Normally, I pay-it-forward with the copy of the book I am done reading.

Not this time! TLC Book Tours has graciously offered to arrange a copy of Female Brain Gone Insane to be shipped directly from the publisher to you.

If you haven’t already done so, read my review of Female Brain Gone Insane. Then sign up for the contest!

Rules are simple:

  1. 1. Using the Silver & Grace contact form send me an email
  2. 2. In the subject line write Female Brain Gone Insane Give-Away
  3. 3. Submit email by February 18,2010, midnight, Eastern Standard Time

After the contest close, I will number the submissions in order of receipt and pick a winner using a random number generator.

I will notify the winner by return email, and ask for an address to mail the book to.

Then TLC Book Tours will have the book sent to you.

Simple as that.

Have fun and good luck.

Don’t miss out!

To make sure you don’t miss out on future Give-Aways, subscribe to Silver & Grace by RSS or Email

Graceful Women: Wait! I’m Too Young to Have Osteoporosis!

On another Graceful Women post, The gluten-free diet and osteoporosis, Betsy Wuebker mentioned that she was diagnosed with osteoporosis. In her comment, she talked about some of the contributing factors to this disease. Osteoporosis is an important concern for menopausal women, so I asked Betsy if she would elaborate on its causes and treatments.

Betsy is author of the blog Passing Thru, and here is her story:

Every Sunday morning I swallow a miracle.It’s a pill that may save my life, and definitely will restore my youth. The name of this wonder is alendronate sodium. I take it because, at age 55, I have the bone density of an 80-year-old. I’ve got full-blown osteoporosis.

While serious in someone my age, this diagnosis didn’t exactly come as a shock. My mother and her mother both had it. Their stooped, painful posture was what is still commonly referred to as “dowager’s hump.” They were literally incapable of standing up straight. With this family history, I always suspected I’d wind up with osteoporosis in my dotage, too. What I didn’t expect was that it would show up this early. I’m way too young, after all!

Six months ago, a series of somewhat alarming symptoms led me to consult with my OB-GYN. She ordered what seemed like an inordinate amount of blood work, did some exams, accelerated a colonoscopy appointment (did I have cancer?), and sent me in for scans. Within the space of a few weeks, I went from taking no medications other than an occasional aspirin and over the counter heartburn relief, to several daily prescriptions. I had high cholesterol, Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease , and a significant Vitamin D deficiency.

All of these conditions are fairly common, but I found the Vitamin D deficiency surprising. Anyone who looks at me will conclude I am hardly undernourished. How was I vitamin D deficient?It was explained: With all the concern about skin cancer, more folks are staying out of the sun. In colder climates, there is less sunlight during short days in winter. I’m a pale, pink person who always burns. I use a lot of sunscreen, and since pre-menopause, don’t tolerate excessive heat well, keeping me out of the sun even more. Add that to decreased milk intake from my inability to tolerate lactose, and bingo. I was prescribed a mega-dose of Vitamin D for six weeks.

In the meantime, my bone scan results came in, and I received a letter summoning me for a consult. “You have osteoporosis,” the letter said. “Please come in as soon as possible to begin a treatment plan.” Great.

My OB-GYN referred me to a rheumatologist when it was revealed most osteo drugs have the unfortunate side effect of increased heartburn. We both knew I needed no more of that. I was pleased to note the new doctor was on several “Best” lists, and his manner was kind and knowledgeable. “What we call the ‘neck of your hip’ and your lower back bones are so porous, you’re at extreme risk. We generally see this deterioration in someone in their 80’s, not their 50’s.” Swell.

Acting as though he had no other patients in the world besides me, he took the time to explain my options. “If you’re heartburn prone, your insurance still requires you to tough it out for a month before changing you to the more expensive annual injection. Plus you’re going to want a combination supplement – always take calcium with vitamin D. The vitamin D is the assist in absorption.” My circumstances – lactose intolerance, no milk, no sun, and no supplementation until now – had created the perfect storm for accelerated bone density loss.

“The good news is, with this drug your bone loss will rapidly arrest and then start to correct itself. Within two years, your bone density will be age appropriate, and you can go on a maintenance plan. Plus, with exercise, you can strengthen even further.” Awesome, a dispensation!

“Until then, whatever you do, do NOT fall. You’ll break a hip or fracture your back.” Jeez, okay. I’m already fearful carrying laundry down our scary basement stairs or walking on icy sidewalks. I’ll probably forego the bicycling I looked forward to this year, as I took a spill a couple of years ago which impacted my mobility for several weeks. It could have been much, much worse.

So . . . every week, I take my miracle pill that is going to restore my bones back to relative youth. Every day, I take my calcium + vitamin D to give these nutrients their best, life-saving shot. And every day, I get my hour’s exercise on a treadmill that’s only an inch or so above the ground, so there’s not far to fall. This is all easily achieved. What a simple fix to ensure I’m around for the next thirty years, when I’ll really be old!

Suggested Reading:

http://www.nof.org/osteoporosis/”>Osteoporosis: A debilitating disease that can be prevented and treatedhas a downloadable questionnaire

Osteoporosis Symptoms, Treatment, Causes, Prevention, Risk Factors and Diagnosis

Hormone Replacement Therapy now Contraindicated in Osteoporosis Treatment due to increased risks for breast cancer, heart attack, stroke and blood clots

The Mayo Clinic – Osteoporosis

Your turn

Do you have a personal story to share? Silver & Grace is always looking for stories that turn the theory into reality. To submit your story click here.

Is there a topic related to the spiritual or physical aspect of aging gracefully that you would like to see covered? Please send post ideas to Eliza by using the Silver & Grace contact form.

Don’t miss out!

To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email to Silver & Grace using the Subscribe feature at the top of the page.

Book Review: Female Brain Gone Insane

How many times have you asked yourself the following question?

“What is wrong with me?!”

Work is good, home life is good, kids are good. And yet, we feel anxious, weepy, irritable, fatigued … you name the not-so-nice state of mind and we are feeling it. So, when I was asked to review Mia Lundin’s Female Brain Gone Insane, I leaped at the opportunity based on the title alone.

Ms. Lundin is a registered nurse and nurse practitioner. At the age of 34, she suffered severe post-partum depression. She found immediate relief through injections of natural progesterone. This peaked her interest in the connection between hormonal balance and brain chemistry. She went onto become the founder and director of the Center for Hormonal and Nutritional Balance.

I am very big on listening to our own bodies, and that is what this book is all about. Too often I hear stories about women in their forties and fifties being prescribed anti-depressants. But nowhere in the telling of the tale is any talk of being perimenopausal and menopausal. No talk about eating habits. No talk of exercise habits. Just “I felt bad and my doctor gave me Prozac. Now I feel okay.”

Not, now I feel great. Just okay.

The Female Brain Gone Insane is about tuning into the natural rhythms of our bodies, and associating our state of mind to those rhythms.

It is a practical guide which provides an explanation of how our hormone levels fluctuate throughout the month, and throughout our lifetime.

The book first describes our hormones and how their fluctuating levels affect our state of mind. Then the pros and cons of synthetic versus bioidentical hormone replacement therapy are explained. And finally, we get a Four Step Guide to return us to the sane being we know we really are.

I have read several books on the connection between hormonal balance and state of mind. However, Female Brain Gone Insane is the first one that suggests that I, not a doctor, have the wherewithal to figure out what is going on in my own body.

By using the worksheet included in the book, I can track my moods every day of the month, and look for patterns. Based on those patterns, treatments in terms of supplements and bioidentical hormones are proposed.

Fully armed with my mood patterns and suggested treatments, I can then go and partner with my health care professional.

Granted, this is going to take effort on my behalf. I have to develop the habit of recording my daily moods, as well as my menstrual cycle. I have to do the analysis, and I have to take the necessary steps to feel better.

Female Brain Gone Insane has given me all the tools and information to figure out why I am feeling out of sorts.  This will enable me to take control of my body and emotions.

Sounds like a little effort for a lot of gain.

Suggested reading:

You can learn more about the Female Brain Gone Insane at http://www.femalebraingoneinsane.com/

Female Brain Gone Insane is available for purchase through Amazon by clicking the Silver & Grace book recommendations.

To find out what other people are saying about this book, check out the following TLC Book Tour reviews:

January 11: It’s All a Matter of Perspective
January 12: Hope Springs Eternal
January 13: Quest for Balance
January 14: Family in Shape
January 19: Truth 2 Being Fit
January 20: Luxury Reading
January 26: Patricia’s Wisdom
January 28: Happy Lotus

Graceful Women: The social impact of body size

Nobody can question the unrealistic and unhealthy emphasis our society puts on body size. I think a jean size of zero is quite metaphoric. The health and welfare of the person inside those jeans means nothing, notta, zip.

I am as guilty as the next person. I struggle with body image. I am trim and athletic, but I constantly fight a fear of not being that one day. My size is part of my self-image. Despite the fact that rationally I know this is a ridiculous thought process. My spiritual and physical health are part of my image, not my size.

However, it never occurs to me to question another person’s size and weight. It’s a non-issue to me, so I was shocked when a reader left a comment on my post Surviving all the holiday food choices that her weight makes other people uncomfortable.

I want to thank Patrica, of Patricia’s Wisdom, for agreeing to share this very personal account of how she is treated by other people for being a larger woman. Here is her story:

One of the hardest things about being FAT or overweight is how uncomfortable one makes the people around them feel.

I wish I were not so heavy and I work very hard on my health and in working towards achieving a more “normal” or acceptable body size. My goal is to be the healthiest, whole person I can be.

I learned early on how physical appearance can make folks feel uncomfortable. Having had several rounds of cancer in my youth, I was witness to other folks concerned that they might “catch” it from me, and at that time most of the people who had cancer were dying or dead. It was a matter of no knowledge or inadequate information. Other children did not wish to stand next to me in choir for fear they would inhale this unknown- children often tell it like it is. All the scars made the locker room a nightmare experience in my self-conscious teens.

In 1994 after ovarian cancer surgery my body started protecting its self by putting on weight. I carry around about 95 extra pounds. I walk 5 miles daily, I have worked with dieticians and I stretch and lift weights. My thighs and upper arms are 3 clothing sizes bigger than my torso.

I am not funny or even jolly. I do not tell jokes all the time to keep folks from noticing my weight.

At public gatherings, people watch what I eat. I have found that unless I want to acknowledge some special dish or something the chef has prepared with individual care, I do not eat and I fill my glass with water.

People are afraid they will look like me. I feel their pain. I have had people come up to me after a dinner and say, “I did not know what to do, I saw you just put your folk on your plate and did not eat anything!” “Were you drinking straight vodka?”, one guest asked me at a party. One cannot miss that people are watching.

Men are often very overt in their feelings; one said to me, “Why did you let yourself go? You used to be so intelligent and pretty?” At the theatre one said, “you could move faster if you got that blubber off your butt.”

My presence makes people feel afraid that they will get large and out of control; that they will have to wear unfashionable clothing and learn standup comedy.

I usually get diet tips and exercise advice and information about the tricks that movie stars use. I even get referrals to plastic surgeons and spas that “really” work.

Being this size makes people afraid. They might become just like me. They would no longer be appealing. Everyone would know they are lazy.

I know I have lost job opportunities because of my appearance. I have very few clothes because I would rather look good and meet someone else’s standards in public than look sloppy and make them feel afraid.

The worst is the moment that the other decides that you are lying – making up and defending your lack of control and ugliness. This is also the moment, when I know yet another doctor has no answer and rather than fail – they are going to give up on me very soon.

Getting defensive just makes the stress hormones send the message to add more weight.

Only a few want to be seen with the “B List”.

What hurts the most still is that so many think the heavier you are the less intelligence one has.

A post script by Eliza: I normally post a photo of my Graceful Women. Patricia asked that I post a lady bug as it is her symbol of a woman recreating herself. I was very happy to do so.

Next Page »