Book review: Healing with Words

There are very few books that I read in one sitting. However, Diana M. Raab’s Healing with Words happens to be one of them. And not because it was a light read either. A short story, yes, but by no stretch of the imagination light reading.

You see, Healing with Words is all about Diana’s journey through breast cancer, followed up with a diagnosis of multiple myeloma. I couldn’t put the book down, because I needed to know how on earth she got through this and came out strong enough to share her journey with all of us!

Diana got through it one day at a time.

But this book is not so easily written off with that over used cliché. Many of Diana’s days were filled with grief, fear, depression, and an ocean of tears. In other words, Diana tells it like it is.

A large part of Diana’s healing came from writing poetry and chronicling her emotions in her journal. Healing with Words is actually a workbook intended for women diagnosed with cancer. By adding questions and space to write at the end of each chapter, Diana created a tool for women with cancer to journal their own experiences and emotions.

While careful to state that medical choices documented in the book are uniquely her own, Diana provides advice on cutting through the information overload to be found on cancer and treatments. As well, she provides guidance on the questions to ask and whom best to ask them of.

We are also treated to Diana’s beautiful, yet intense, poetry. Again, there are no holds barred, such as this short but to the point poem entitled Bifurcation:

Having a breast sliced off
leaves a woman with two lives –
the one before the lost
and the one after.

There is a time for platitudes, but there is also a time for “hey, this is the reality of what it is like”. Healing with Words is that reality. But, it is also validation that the roller coaster of emotions is normal, and they need to be experienced in order to heal emotionally and physically.

I would love to hear your thoughts!

Do you write to help heal? What other methods do you use to work through pain, be it physical or emotional?

More information!

Make sure you return on August 3, 2010, to win a copy of Healing with Words.

Diana can be found at Diana M. Raab

This book review was sponsored by WOW! Women on Writing

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Yoga and Beyond: Refreshing Inspiration for a Brand New You

I try to go to the gym. I really really do. But the gym is in my office building, and well, there’s meetings and emails and … Okay, so I am not very diligent about getting there on a regular basis. Fortunately, as Silver & Grace guest post author Victoria Crowdell explains, all we need is a section of floor at home and we are good to go.

Getting in shape is definitely one of the nicest gifts that anyone can give to themselves. While it might not be your idea of an enjoyable past time to spend endless hours at the gym whilst only nibbling on carrot sticks, having the time and energy to be active at least once a day is an essential part of leading a healthy and long-lasting life.

There’s no need to fall victim to all of the marketing involved in fitness routines these days. After all, there were numerous healthy and trim people before the days of the local gym, so don’t feel the need to spend a large deal of money on equipment and memberships. In fact, these kinds of big leaps sometimes end up acting more as roadblocks, inflating expectations and causing less motivation when one’s body doesn’t look just like the television advertisement might have claimed.

Staying fit as a woman is sometimes an entirely different experience altogether. In fact, there are definitely no two ways about it: in today’s world, it is still easier for a man to be considered ‘mature’, whereas a woman is often just referred to as ‘old’. But a number of powerful, confident, and beautiful women who don’t happen to be in their twenties are re-writing the book on what it means to look fit and be attractive. Susan Sarandon has never looked more beautiful, and Helen Mirren certainly feels confident in her good looks, or else she wouldn’t be posing topless in a bathtub.

While some of women might take their inspiration from the more surgically inclined, self-proclaimed ‘cougar’ set, the fact is that getting into shape is a much better way to maintain one’s looks, regardless of age. Even adding an extra hour of activity to your daily schedule can make a difference in a surprisingly short amount of time.

While celebrities might have personal trainers while at home, those who are on the road most of the time often end up making do with the sort of activities that are easy to accomplish in the confined space of a hotel room. This is one of the reasons that yoga has become so popular with those who are constantly on the go: the only necessary equipment is one’s own body and a level surface for sitting down.

Of course, getting in shape is about more than just taking on yoga. It’s also about learning moderation in all things. There’s no need to forgo a slice of Brie and glass of Merlot altogether, but after a nice afternoon yoga session, a delicious fresh fruit salad or sushi might be a much better bet than a heavy hamburger.

Changing your fitness choices is a simple way to get your body ready to change its eating habits without even considering a diet. If you’re spending more time walking and keeping your heart rate up, after all, you’re going to find yourself attracted to food choices that give the same feeling of refreshment and pep.

So, instead of setting unrealistic expectations for a new fitness routine and what it can accomplish, consider focusing more on the ways that investing some time in yourself will improve the way that you feel. After all, in a world that’s changing the way that it looks at women over 40, it’s never been a better time to start a fitness regime that has you feeling confident enough to flaunt your hard work beachside in no time at all.

More information!

About the Author: Victoria Crowdell works for SportsEquip.co.uk, leading suppliers of ‘capital’ sports equipment and wet pour safety surfaces.

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Sex and the Woman over 40

I have never understood the concept that a woman’s sex life is over past the age of 40. I like sex. All my female friends like sex. Heck, I would even go so far as to say we love sex!

Even when our bodies think we don’t love sex, we dive right in — in a manner of speaking — and pretty soon our bodies catch up to our minds.

I have decided to take it upon myself to promote the acceptability of us older gals enjoying sex. I think it is a very noble goal. Don’t you agree?

To that end, I have asked Joanna Cake to do a return guest post engagement and tell us all about her attitudes to sex after the age of 40.

You remember, as a teenager, how you used to think it was disgusting if you got even the whiff of an idea that your parents might be having sex?

Well, that’s pretty much the way most people seem to feel about the possibility that women over 40 might actually enjoy sex.

Films like The Graduate paint such women as voracious huntresses, intent on capturing and devouring any young man who strays into their path.

The media pounces on the so-called cougar generation of older women with younger male partners, like Demi Moore with Ashton Kutcher, and tries to vilify or, worse, mock them.

It’s official, once you’re 40, you’re supposed to be dead below the waist! After all, with all that hormonal menopausal stuff, your bits have all dried up anyway. It’s common knowledge that that’s what happens. Who wants to think about all that friction? Ewwww… old lady sex!

OK, this may come as something of a shock but, at around 40, women actually reach their peak sexually. This is because the hormonal imbalance allows the ratio of testosterone to oestrogen and progesterone to become greater. Which is why most women get a sudden surge in their libido.

Unfortunately, for a lot of women, this is also about the time that they realise their current relationship is seriously underperforming on just about every level. Prior to the testosterone rush, the state of their love life meant that they really couldn’t be bothered with sex and were looking forward to the Menopause when they wouldn’t have to deal with it any more.

And, suddenly, there they are, with all this rampant sexual appetite and no man with whom to share it. Cue an obsession with vibrators and other girl toys to satisfy these overwhelming desires.

However, should this unbalanced woman come into contact with a man whose pheromones can push all her buttons… well, there are going to be fireworks in the bedroom department.

Yup, I can tell you this from personal experience.

I was just minding my own business. I knew I was no longer in love with my husband and didn’t fancy him any more but I had made my peace with this and accepted that it was going to be me and the toys until the Menopause kicked in and then I wouldn’t want to have sex any more anyway.

Of course, I didn’t take ‘the Ruf factor’ into the equation. At a seminar, I was saying goodbye to a bunch of old male friends with a hug and peck on the cheek and Ruf was in the group so it seemed rude to just ignore him. I reached up to kiss his cheek and it was as if the 1812 overture went off in my head.

I turned away for a moment and he was gone.

To cut a long story short, six months later, I was driving 160 miles to visit him in his bachelor flat and my sex life went into overdrive for the next four years.

Sadly, the last few months of missing periods have seen my libido take a bit of a nosedive but there is no stopping Ruf’s manly urges and, when we are together, my body just responds to his.

Now, I’m really lucky because my lover takes the time to research the best way to stimulate my recalcitrant bodily parts into achieving orgasms that are even more electrifying than they were four years ago. It just takes a bit more emotional commitment.

The root of a lot of problems is body dysmorphia. Whilst our minds mature like a mellow wine, our bodies tend to age like a dried up prune. But, as Ruf says, “I love you because of your imperfections. I see a woman who has carried children, a woman who has lived through a lot of challenges and come through to the other side victorious.”

With a man who feels like that snuggled up next to you, who wouldn’t want to have sex?

And I intend to continue enjoying it until I’m extremely old indeed!

More information!

Joanna Cake writes about everything that life has to throw at her at Having My Cake and Eating It Too and regularly contributes to Tighten My Vagina, a site that tries to address the sexual effects of the Menopause.

If you haven’t already done so, please read Joanna’s very sensitive and poignant post here at Silver & Grace on anorexia, A woman’s journey from anorexia to self-love.

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30 Minute Treadmill Workout to Diminish Hot Flashes

When I have the opportunity to exercise outside, my activity of choice is power walking. However, I do try to get to the gym three days a week and my machine of choice is the treadmill.

My mother bought a treadmill a number of years ago to keep her weight down during the winter when she cannot golf. We get a good chuckle out of it, because her treadmill is basically in a closet. Puts us in mind of a gerbil spinning along in on it’s exercise wheel. But, in all seriousness, it helps her maintain her health and weight.

This is a guest article written by Anna, who tells us how using a treadmill  helped her own mother become healthier and reduce the discomfort of menopause symptoms. Anna shares with us the treadmill workout her mother uses.

(Eliza’s due diligence disclaimer: always consult your health care professional before starting any new exercise program.)

Menopause is a natural process that every woman must undergo at a certain age. But let’s face it: “natural” doesn’t eliminate “hard to deal with”. There are symptoms, effects and even permanent risks that make menopause difficult to manage.

The changes that the body must endure are extremely uncomfortable, which can lead to a primary effect: depression. This major distress is backed up by night sweats, sleeping disorders, decrease of estrogen level (which leads to decrease of sex drive), mood and skin changes, vaginal changes, but most of all, hot flashes.

Hot flashes are a sign that a woman is definitely going through menopause. It is caused by hormonal change and its manifestations include bursting into sweat or instant blushing. Although not all women must go through this distress, it is most uncomfortable for those who do.

But there is also good news. There are measures that every woman can take in order to diminish the distressing hot flashes, and they are all based on physical activity.

The logic is simple. Exercise balances the hormonal level. A balanced hormonal level reduces radically the intensity of hot flashes. At the same you improve blood circulation and oxygen intake for your cells. Plus you improve the health of your bones, you sleep better and you improve perception of yourself.

There’s no doubt exercising is the answer to all questions. And treadmills workouts make a very good exercise choice. A treadmill is right in your home, which frees you from worries regarding bad weather, inappropriate running surfaces or the unavailability of a running surface. Moreover, for a woman entering menopause comfort is essential. And treadmills provide that.

My mother started to go through menopause changes and hot flashes episodes one year ago. She was 51 at that time and she wasn’t the most active person. Plus she was a little overweight. All changed a few months ago when she bought herself a treadmill.

This is a treadmill workout she does daily and which helped her a lot (physically and psychologically). I want to mention that this is not a program designed by a professional trainer, but a simple workout she feels comfortable doing and which you can customize on any treadmill.

The workout is divided in 3 segments: Warm Up, Exercise and Cool Down.

Start with the warm up for 4 minutes: 2 minutes at 0 incline and 1 mph speed then continue with 2 minutes at 0.5 incline and 1.5 mph speed.

The exercise is divided in 30 seconds segments. You should repeat it 5 times, in the order listed below:

• 30s with incline at 1.5 and speed at 2 mph.
• 30s leave incline at 1.5 and increase speed at 2.5 mph.
• 30s decrease incline at 1 and increase speed at 3 mph.
• 30s decrease incline at 0.5 and increase speed at 3.5 mph.
• 30s leave incline at 0.5 and increase speed at 4 mph.
• 30s leave incline at 0.5 and decrease speed at 3.5 mph.
• 30s increase incline at 1 and decrease speed at 3 mph.
• 30s increase incline at 1.5 and decrease speed at 2.5 mph.

Finish with a cool down for minimum 4 minutes: 2 minutes at 0.5 incline and 2 mph speed, then 2 minutes at 0 incline and 1.5 mph speed. You can extend this period for as long as you need to.

If you can use a wireless chest strap to control your heart beat (and keep the intensity of your workout in your targeted heart rate) it’s even better.

Now my mother does this exercise for 30 minutes daily. Before she bought the treadmill she had hot flashes very often which caused her high discomfort. After using this treadmill workout for 3 months, she is now more energetic and optimistic.

And, her hot flashes episodes are now history.

More information!

Anna is a treadmill user and tester at RunReviews. This website includes a special section dedicated to Treadmill Workouts where you can find more valuable training tips.

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Guys! It Is More than Hot Flashes

Although Silver & Grace is dedicated to women over forty, I truly believe in getting a balanced perspective on this stage of life. To that end, I invited Vonzel Sawyer to provide his view on menopause.

Vonzel rose to the challenge, and what follows is incredible advice for the men in our lives.

Ladies, I highly recommend you point your husbands to this article. … or print it off and just happen to have it lying around in a conspicuous place *smile*

As a woman grows in experience, time, loveliness, wisdom, as she is moving into her second wind, a milestone is reached. It is as significant in her life, and as remarkable as the onset of puberty.

Yes. You guessed it. This is about menopause.

Now what does this have to do with the guys?

There are times when a man looks back on a relationship and finds missed opportunities to make quantum leaps to impress his wife as a man. Well this is a new day and a new opportunity! Let’s take a trip and learn what happens during this time; then how to use your ability to positively influence the outcome.

Start out with the 3 Never’s:

• Never ever under any circumstances panic
• Never ever fake what you don’t know
• Never ever forget this is your wife’s first time too

So what is this menopause all about? “…-what many women refer to as the “change of life” that signals the end of a woman’s reproductive years” (http://www.womenshealth.gov/borders/womenshealth , article Understanding Menopause, paragraph 1).

As a man that wants to maintain his relationship and enhance it during this transition the saying is true, “to be forewarned is to be forearmed”. While you cannot control the internal changes you can decide how to respond to the symptoms when you know what they are.

Here is a list:

• Irregular vaginal bleeding, abnormal bleeding, unpredictable, excessive bleeding
• Hot flashes & night sweats; a feeling of warmth that spreads over the body
• Vaginal symptoms vaginal dryness, itching, or irritation and/or pain with sexual intercourse
• Urinary symptoms tissues of the vagina becomes drier, thinner, and less elastic; a sudden urge to urinate may occur during straining, coughing, or laughing
• Emotional and cognitive symptoms of fatigue, memory problems, irritability, and rapid changes in mood
• Body weight gain is not common but possible
• Skin Texture acne, wrinkles
• Sexual motivation decrease in desire for sexual intercourse

This is not an exhaustive list of symptoms. See an awesome article on this site You aren’t crazy, you just have menopause anxiety

So what can you do to make the transition easier and be your ladies hero? Here are a few suggestions:

• Make it easy for her to talk to you about it by not treating her as if there is something “wrong”. Treat this as a transition not a permanent condition
• Be flexible, laugh, cry, let her know you are there for her
• Continue to educate yourself about menopause. Read books, consult medical professionals
• Remember it is not a women issue; it is a relationship issue
• Be understanding but don’t be a fake
• Give her room and don’t smother her, but be observant
• Do let her know she is wanted, needed, and appreciated
• Know that what makes her comfortable one day may be uncomfortable the next

Be aware that there are recommended ways of dealing with symptoms that are out of control and your physician should be consulted. More physicians are becoming knowledgeable in use of natural treatments for systems.

Now you know it is a little more than just “hot flashes”!

More information!

Vonzel Sawyer is a life coach, minister, husband and philosopher (father of five and grandfather of eight) who believe that combining wisdom with practical application allows a person to be both maxamized and magnified. When combined this becomes the power of what Vonzel calls a Maxafication-ized life.

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Health benefits of walking

For those of you following my Sharing a Challenge Series last month, you know I was preparing for a half-marathon race. Originally, I was going to run it, but part way through my training I discovered I much preferred power walking.

I am happy to report that not only did I cross the half-marathon finish line, but I beat my target time. I was allowing myself 3 hours and 15 minutes. I completed the 13 miles/21 kilometers in 3 hours 9 minutes and 13 seconds. But, most importantly, I felt fantastic throughout the entire race. I even had enough energy to run in the second half.

Now I am totally hooked on walking for exercise. I am a walking fiend. No special equipment required. Just a good pair of shoes and off I go. Best of all, I can easily incorporate walking into ‘getting somewhere’. I have walked home from work (2.5 hours), met my daughter at the mall (1.25 hours), and toured Montreal (9 hours).

Okay, admittedly 9 hours is a bit extreme, but we did break it by stopping for food and drink.

According to a survey by the Canadian Fitness and Lifestyle Research Institute, 64% of all Canadians live within a 30 minute walk of a routine destination. Doesn’t mean they walk it!

Mr Very Right and I are just as guilty. Our grocery store is three blocks away, but we drive, even for just one bag of groceries. We talk about how silly that is, but we still drive. My stepson lives six blocks away, but we drive to pick him up and drop him off. Ridiculous!

I think it’s a mindset of being too busy to walk. Why spend thirty minutes walking, when we can spend five minutes in the car?

Because it is way better for our health!

Walking reduces the following:

• risk of coronary heart disease
• high cholesterol
• body fat
• risk of colon cancer
• effects of osteoarthritis
• blood pressure

Walking increases:

• flexibility and coordination
• bone density
• general feeling of well being

I’m starting to plan around walking. Dinner at my daughter’s at 5 p.m.? Simply a matter of leaving the house at 4 p.m. Need some more jewelry making supplies? Eat lunch at my desk at work while sorting all those emails, then head out for a brisk walk to the bead store.

Actually, once I realized how much I enjoy walking, I started looking for ways to incorporate walks into my routine.

I am already planning next year’s half-marathon. Between power walking and adding in a few more short runs, my plan is to come in under three hours.

A final note on how good walking makes me feel. About three-quarters of the way through the race, one of the volunteers said to me “Hey! You are still smiling.” I wasn’t even aware of it, but he was absolutely right. I was smiling. Grinning from ear to ear.

Your turn:

Is walking part of your regular fitness routine?
What have you found to be the benefits of walking?

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Stylish dressing after age 40

I don’t know about you, but I find clothes shopping frustrating. I don’t want to dress like my daughters, but neither do I want to dress like my mother. No offense to my mother! It’s just that she shops in stores for Older Women.

The Younger Women stores don’t take into consideration breasts that are no longer as perky, and tummies that are no longer as flat. The Older Women stores have darts to go around ample bosoms, and pants to wrap around rounded bellies. I’m in between!

What’s a Mid-Life Woman to do?!

As Silver & Grace guest post author,Claire, points out it’s all about settling into your own unique style that makes you look and feel good. Then, pump it up with a nice pair of Jimmy Choo shoes!

Women over 40 are sexy. A lot of my best friends are over 40 and they are the most stylish, attractive and outgoing women I know. When you hit 40, you go through a number of transitions. You change both psychically and mentally. Your lifestyle often changes, such as kids leaving home, new job, new relationships. One of the hardest changes to accept, though, is our changing body. Weight distributes differently landing on our thighs and buttocks. Our breasts lose their perkiness.

But before we all run out and throw ourselves off the nearest bridge, I am going to show you that 40 is sexy. It’s all about the right clothes for our changing bodies and attitudes.

Stylish dressing is all about expressing your personality. It is all about not hiding behind baggy clothing, and choosing outfits that give you shape and flatter your figure.

A lot of people will tell you not to dress younger than you are. This is a matter of opinion and should not be taken as gospel. If your 29 year old friends or relatives are wearing fashionable ‘superdry’ jeans that you like, there is no reason why you can’t wear them too. If you are like me and have wider hips and thighs, low rise jeans make your legs and bum look fantastic.

Going out clubbing? Simply use common sense and consider if a particular look is flattering for your figure. A pair of nicely fitting jeans and a top mixed with bold jewelry will make you feel confident and young at heart.

People will also say “forget about being trendy when your 40″. This is such crap. Trends are what you make them. At 40 you have the insight and knowledge to experiment with your own look and create your own personal trends.

If you are concerned with the skin on your neck, consider a nice scarf to add an accent of colour to your outfit. If you have filled out around the middle in the last few years, simply think of jackets, tops and belts that break up your silhouette. Work with your shape and don’t get hang up on what you consider to be your faults.

You might also find that your hair is not as thick as it once was. This is a great excuse to finally get that bold short style you were never brave enough to get. You can accessories your new hair with clips, scarves and hats to add that sophisticated edge.

Now for some really good news! Your legs and shoulders take a long time to age, so this is the time to show them off. Wear knee length skirts to show off those heavenly pins and bold colourful shoes to add to the look. Tops that show off your shoulders can be accessorized with bold jewelry. But remember that show off one or the other to balance your outfit. If you want to show off your shoulders, wear a longer skirt, dress or trousers. If you wish to show off those lovely legs, then cover up on top.

If you have big boobs, get a really good bra from Marks n Spencers or Bravissimo and be measured for the right size. Then draw attention to your fantastic breasts with a V neck or low cut top. You’ve got it, so flaunt it.

If you are slightly overweight, it can be tempting to cover up with baggy clothing. The problem is you are actually adding weight, making you appear larger than you are. Consider clothing that you control the size of, like wrap around dresses. Wear jeans with long tops. Horizontal stripes are out, making you look like a zebra. Smooth out any lumps and bumps with shape wear.

Now let’s talk accessories to give your outfits a boost of colour. Accessories can also give you the confidence you to pull off an outfit.

If you are a handbag lover and have large boobs, then you need a bigger bolder hand bag with a longer handle. This will draw people eyes down to your legs. If you are a little heavier around your bum and tum, then find a smaller handbag with a short handle to attract attention to your upper half.

Dressing stylishly doesn’t need to be expensive. Buy several pieces of clothing that can be mixed and matched, and a few key pieces of jewelry that you love. Throw in some bags and shoes that you can wear with any of your outfits. Some glasses and hats and you are good to go.

Over forty never looked so good.

Have your say:

What is your biggest challenge when shopping for clothes?

More information!

Claire is the creative director and blogger for Minkbaby, a site dedicated to taking the eek out of eco-friendly. She also takes a keen interest in fashion, which she studied.

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How to lose weight after 40

According to the Silver & Grace body image survey, very few of us are satisfied with our weight. Nor are we least bit happy with our thickening middle. However, as guest post author, Myln, points out, we can lose weight. It just takes a patience and perseverance.

In one of Eliza’s articles, she talked about the main reasons why women gain weight after 40 (understanding weight gain after 40). The hormonal changes are such that make weight gain easy and weight loss more difficult. In this post I will talk more about how to lose weight. There are not many differences in the weight loss process for women below and for women above 40 besides the fact that older women and people in general are more prone to injuries (from exercise) and also that their metabolism becomes slower. This does not mean that you cannot shed those extra pounds; it simply means that you should have more patience and willpower to stick to your goals until the end.

One of the most important parts of weight loss is the foods you eat. As you get older and try to manage your weight there are some foods that you need to make sure that you are eating and there are some foods that you need to make sure that you are not eating.

The items you should avoid are those that contain high grams of fat, sugar, and generally foods that are high in calories as these foods will help you gain weight. In order to follow a healthy diet, you must ensure that you are eating healthy foods that are beneficial for your diet and wellbeing such as yogurt, fruits, vegetables, and lean meats as well as foods that contain complex carbs, such as whole wheat bread and oatmeal.

Along with a good diet you will want to make sure that you are getting the exercise that you need. Exercising is a very important part of not only being able to lose weight but managing your weight properly so that it does not fluctuate. When you get on a good exercise routine you will be able to regulate your body weight, lose a few pounds, and feel better about the way that you look.

The best way to burn those extra pounds is through cardio exercises. Try to find some cardio exercises that you feel comfortable doing and that you can follow for a long time. It’s of no use trying to follow an exercise routine that is hard and efficient but only for a limited amount of time. The key for losing weight with exercise is consistency and frequency.

Exercising regularly (2-3 times per week) for a couple of months will give you results while exercising once every couple of weeks will not. There are a lot of different cardio exercises so there should be no problem with trying to find a few to build your routine. You can choose from things such as swimming, aerobics, jogging, cycling, or other great exercises that will help you to burn calories very quickly and lose weight.

If you are a woman over 40 there is no sense letting the changes that your body is going through dictate the way that you look and feel. You will be able to better manage your body’s appearance and the way that you feel by adopting a proper diet and a good exercise routine. Just because you are getting a little older and going through some changes does not mean that you cannot lose weight and take control over your body. Make sure that you follow these tips and you will have a better looking appearance that you will love before you know it.

More information!

Myln maintains a weight loss blog where she talks about how to lose weight using natural ways and methods.

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You aren’t crazy, you just have menopause anxiety

I consider myself to be a pretty calm person. Oh sure, I get shaken by what life throws at me, but after some initial ‘Oh woe is me’, I am back on track.

Until the past couple of years, in which my mind has gone spiraling down rabbit holes of sheer dread for the most trivial of reasons. We are talking full blown anxiety and panic attacks.

Thank goodness Mr. Very Right is trained in counseling post traumatic stress victims. On more than one occasion he has had to hold me tight while my body shakes uncontrollably. All the while talking to me in a calm soothing voice.

Seriously, I would have bundled me straight off to the loony bin!

Welcome to yet another unwelcome symptom of perimenopause and menopause.

Why can’t we cope?

Our tanking estrogen level is the main culprit. There is a link between estrogen and our feel good neurochemicals: serotonin, norepinephrine, dopamine, and melatonin. When these little babies are messed up our coping responses are not up to snuff.

Now add in additional life stresses women our age often experience, such as job dissatisfaction, empty nest syndrome, and elder care duties. All of a sudden we find ourselves one step away from a good old fashioned meltdown.

How do we know we are experiencing an anxiety attack?

Oh trust me, you will know!

• irritability
• crying
• shakiness
• nausea
• pounding heart
• obsessive thoughts quite often in the form of “What if (fill in imagined horror of your choice) happens?”

And chances are all of these symptoms are happening at once.

What do we do?!

While you are in an episode? Breathe. Nice deep calming breaths. Take a soothing bath. Distract your thought patterns as best you can. And most importantly, tell yourself this is a chemical reaction, and your imagined horror is exactly that … imagined.

However, prevention is always best.

• eat a healthy diet
• avoid stimulants such as caffeine and sugar
• get plenty of exercise
• take supplements formulated for menopause

If your symptoms are severe or frequent, make sure you see your doctor to get your hormone levels checked. Then discuss your options for getting everything back in balance.

What if our anxiety and panic is not linked to menopause?

I can always link my attacks to either the time of the month, or unhealthy eating habits. However, if there is no obvious link to your hormone levels please check with your doctor. You may have anxiety or panic disorders that need medical and/or psychological treatments.

This too shall pass

Remind yourself that this too shall pass. But as important, or even more important, communicate what is going on with your loved ones. It’s scary enough to experience an anxiety attack, but it is also scary to witness one. Mr Very Right might have the right training for supporting someone through an attack, but it’s different when it is your wife.

Of course, the odd look on his face may just have been him figuring out what size straight jacket I wear.

Have your say

Do you find yourself more anxious?

What tricks do you use to make it through an severe anxious moment?

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Aging Gracefully: How to Deal With Beauty and Aging in Midlife and Beyond

As we age, our spirits might be improving, but our bodies sure aren’t. At least, that is the message we get from the media. Fortunately, I feel more in tune and, frankly, in love with my body than I ever have.

Admittedly, some days it can be tough. Like when I see a perfectly manicured, pedicured, creamed, dyed, nipped and tucked woman walk by me, on a day I feel frumpy, bloated, and completely unkempt. But then I think of the money I’ve saved being just me with my self-maintenance regime, and I go give myself a manicure. Which, by the way, means I scrape the garden dirt out from under my nails.

Silver & Grace guest post author, Susan Liddy, gives you some excellent advice to ponder on your frumpy days.

Is it just me, or in today’s culture, does it seem like we’re constantly being told that getting older is a bad thing? The media bombards us with advertisements for anti-aging products. We learn which foods will keep us young the longest, which creams will make our skin more supple, which exercises will help our bottoms defy gravity like they did when we were 18, and which drinks will raise our energy levels so we can keep up with the kids of today.

Rather than being taught to embrace the wisdom that comes with aging, the message that bombards us at every turn is “Do everything you possibly can to preserve your youth!”

A great example of this is entertainment industry. Today, more and more mature, accomplished actresses are being passed over for leading roles that end up going to their younger (though not necessarily more talented) counterparts. The message seems to be that the aging woman doesn’t seem to have as many opportunities. And while this may be true to some extent, for the most part we tend to make it much bigger and worse than it needs to be. We over-focus on beauty, create stringent definitions of what it is. And we over-value youth.

When we are young we want to be older, when we are older we want to be younger.
This includes the physical beauty department.

Did you know that more than 90 million people purchased anti-aging products in 2004, as reported by the National Consumers League (NCL)?

So often in my life I thought that I was not pretty enough… didn’t weigh enough (yes, you read that right… I was too skinny). Today, I look back on those photos of yesteryear and see such a beautiful person. How sad that I couldn’t embrace that.

Now, as I look forward to aging I can see that one day I will have a natural ease at which I can carry myself. It will certainly get to the point where no matter what, I will look “older”, have wrinkles, and grey hair. And, there is something about that which cries out to me. At that phase of my life, I will “have to let go” of the struggle to look a certain way. That actually brings me peace– and today at age 42, I strive to embrace that “letting go” now as I maintain my health and natural beauty.

How about you? Do you fret in the mirror over every wrinkle and crinkle, no matter how slight? Do you hold back from doing what you really want to do, because you feel like you’re “just too old?” Try to think of the many ways your fear of getting/looking old might stop you from living your life to the fullest.

Consider…

• How your perception of age and how you look might affect your attitude about your job, your relationships, your lifestyle choices.

• How you might make comparisons between yourself and women who are younger, and how that affects your self confidence overall.

• How much time you might spend worrying about your appearance– doing, saying, and wearing things to make yourself appear more youthful.

• How much money you may have spent on anti-aging products and procedures…

Also consider…

• What you might do and be if age and looking young wasn’t always getting in the way of your good time!

• That easing into your senior years, without the pressure to always look a certain way, might actually be wholly liberating!

• That the comfort of being in our own skin, which eludes so many of us in our teens, twenties, and even thirties is often discovered once we reach middle age.

• That women who are older than forty (or fifty) often say that these are the best, most rewarding years of their lives.

Life slips through out fingers all too quickly. Why spend the majority of it worrying about how we look? Real beauty comes from within, and is apparent at every age and phase of life. Take a minute today to look in the mirror. Smile, and remember, “I am beautiful, inside and out!”

More information!

About Susan Liddy:

Life Coach Susan Liddy, MA, PCC, CPCC, is on a mission to let every woman know that she can live a confident and fulfilling life. Since 2004 she has helped women around the globe achieve goals and dreams such as heal relationships, write books, change careers, start businesses and create overall life balance. She is the Founder and CEO of AspireLifeCoaching.org, creator of the Passage to Empowerment™ coaching program, and author of The Secrets to Ultimate Living: What You Wish You Knew When You Were Twenty. Learn more about Susan Liddy by visiting her website: http://www.AspireLifeCoaching.org or blog: http://ww.SecretsToUltimateLiving.com

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