Book give-away: What’s Next For You?
Book give-away contest time! This time it is the wonderful memoir and guide by Patricia & Robert Gussin on making the most of your retirement years in What’s Next For You? Check out my book review if you haven’t already read it.
Here’s what you need to do to win a copy of What’s Next For You?:
1. Using the Silver & Grace contact form send me an email
2. In the subject line write What’s Next For You? Give-Away
3. Submit email by March 17, 2010, midnight, Eastern Standard Time
After the contest close, I will number the submissions in order of receipt and pick a winner using a random number generator.
I will notify the winner by return email and ask for an address to mail the book to.
Then I will pop the book in the mail to you, and you can curl up and enjoy a good read.
Have fun and good luck.
Don’t miss out!
To make sure you don’t miss out on future Give-Aways, subscribe to Silver & Grace by RSS or Email
Book Review: What Should I Do With The Rest Of My Life?
I am a huge sucker for real life stories. You can throw all the theory at me you like, but I want to see the rubber hit the road. Where real people accomplish real things. What Should I Do With The Rest Of My Life?, by Bruce Frankel, is chock full of real people accomplishing very real things.
And the truly unique part about their stories? These accomplishments occurred after what we traditionally think of as retirement age.
Frankel starts the Introduction with the following:
“This is a book of profiles of people who have succeeded after sixty. Their stories are not simply examples of successful aging, they are inspirational in the truest sense … They do not so much defy age as defy the limitation that our culture places on age … “
Each story made me sit up and go “Wow, they are how old and doing that?”
My husband doesn’t need to read the book because at the end of each chapter I excitedly described the person, their age, and what they have accomplished. “Can you believe that?”, I would end each summary with.
Thirteen people are profiled, with accomplishments ranging from physical to artistic to political to entrepreneurial. All ordinary people who discovered passions after sixty.
Who knew you could become an elite runner without having run your first race until your sixtieth birthday? Or become a professional dancer in your seventies? Or write award winning novels in your nineties?
No word of a lie, this book caused me to stop procrastinating and sign up for a half-marathon race. I won’t come anywhere close to Margie Stoll’s race times, but at almost thirty years her junior I better be able to cross the finish line.
Reading the different stories, there doesn’t appear to be any common thread that you can point to and say “Aha! That’s why they driven to follow their passions so late in life.” Interestingly, however, Frankel points out the following commonality:
“As unique as each is, as a group the individuals in What Should I Do with the Rest of My Life? have done what scientists tell us we should do: they maintain healthy diets, exercise regularly, challenge themselves, fill their lives with novel experiences and varied social connections.”
Isn’t this what we should all be doing throughout our entire lives?
If so, we are setting ourselves up for some pretty spectacular accomplishments later in life. I wonder what mine will be?
Have your say:
Do you know of anyone who has successfully pursued a passion or dream after the age of sixty?
Once all the children are gone, and the career is winding down, what passion would you pursue?
Please visit:
Bruce Frankel’s website: http://www.brucefrankel.net/
Bruce Frankel’s blog: http://www.brucefrankel.net/index.php/site/articles/
More information!
A copy of What Should I Do With The Rest Of My Life? will be given away in a contest here at Silver & Grace on March 29th.
What Should I Do With The Rest Of My Life? is available for purchase through Amazon by clicking the Silver & Grace book recommendations.
To find out what other people are saying about this book, check out the following TLC Book Tour reviews:
Tuesday, March 9th: Journeys and Ohh.. Books!
Thursday, March 11th: A Garden Carried in My Pocket
Wednesday, March 17th: Truth 2 Being Fit
Thursday, March 18th: Patricia’s Wisdom
Monday, March 22nd: Erasing the Bored
Tuesday, March 23rd: Jane Be Nimble
Monday, March 24th: Luxury Reading
Thursday, March 25th: Happy Lotus
Interview: Authors Patricia and Robert Gussin
Patricia and Robert Gussin are co-authors of the book What’s Next for You? This is a delightful memoir and guide on living life to the fullest after retirement. Or as Patricia calls it, graduation. If you haven’t already read my book review, it is located here.
I’m the type of person who reads a good non-fiction book, then wants to know the rest of the story. The Gussins were kind enough to indulge me.
Retirement and Debt
Eliza asked:
It is clear from your book that you looked before you leaped financially, but you still made purchases when you weren’t really sure you could afford them. What is your philosophy on money and debt at this stage of your life?
The Gussins answered:
Financial security is always a consideration when deciding how to approach retirement. Coming from very modest backgrounds, we knew that we had to take care and not stretch beyond our means. Having said that, we had had very successful careers, and even if we were to slip some financially, we felt comfortable going back to a less expensive life style. So we were willing to risk substantial amounts of money to live our dream, but we always kept in mind “the worst case scenario”. No matter how badly we might fail, we would not be left starving or without a roof over our heads. So there is some thought that goes into “thoughtful impulsiveness”.
As for debt, we don’t like it. And who does? But the reality is that in some financial circumstances, it’s sensible to take on low interest debt rather than to use higher yield savings or to sell assets.
Balancing individual interests
Eliza asked:
Robert, I chuckled out loud when I read your fears about Patricia deciding to write fiction. But it was very honest. Sometimes my husband comes up with a grand scheme and I think ‘Oh dear, what if he can’t pull that off?’ And Patricia, when Robert took over in the kitchen, instead of embracing it you could just as easily felt displaced. What underlying aspect of your relationship contributes to each other being able to change roles and encourage individual projects and challenges?
The Gussins answered:
Lots of love and trust and mutual respect underlies it all. We have tremendous confidence in each other’s abilities and we both are pretty flexible in what we are willing to try. So we each go along with the others “interesting” ideas with the prediction that they’ll be successful and fun. Pat is still celebrating her liberation from the cooking and Bob loves his status as the good impressionist, the Monet of the kitchen!
Becoming grandparents
Eliza asked:
Patricia, you mention that you would love to have all your children and grandchildren live within a ‘family compound’ where everyone moves freely in and out of each other’s homes. Robert might be inclined to add some locks. For us, actually, the opposite is true. My husband is trying to figure out how to buy each of our neighbours’ homes as they become available to house our children. Same city, different neighborhoods works just for me, thank you all the same.
The Gussins answered:
As far as the adult children and grandchildren, Bob is more like you, and Pat more like your husband. Pat loves kids and would love to have them all live in a compound. Bob enjoys them, but not all the time, every day. We’ve observed grandparenting among our friends and believe that like most things in life, a happy medium is the best. Our kids need to live their own lives and develop their own relationships with their children. As grandparents, we need to be available, but not meddlesome. Our job is supportive. Every family unit is different and we have to respect that. For us, our kids do keep wondering where we are going next and whatever we do, we know that they will be encouraging.
After all, do they really want us having so much free time that we start to micromanage them? We don’t think so.
What’s Next for You? is available for purchase through Amazon by clicking the Silver & Grace book recommendations.
Have your say:
Which side of financial fence do you sit on? Being debt free by retirement, or accepting debt?
If you are retired, did you find that roles changed between you and your partner?
What challenges do you face as a grandparent, either with your spouse, or your adult children?
Don’t miss out!
To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email
Book give-away: How to Save Your Own Life
Another book give-away contest! This time it is Michael Gates Gill’s How to Save Your Own Life. Check out my book review if you haven’t already read it. I know you will want a copy for your very own.
TLC Book Tours has once again arranged to have a copy mailed directly to you from the publishers. Here’s what you need to do to win a copy of How to Save Your Own Life:
1. Using the Silver & Grace contact form send me an email
2. In the subject line write How to Save Your Own Life Give-away
3. Submit email by March 7, 2010, midnight, Eastern Standard Time
After the contest close, I will number the submissions in order of receipt and pick a winner using a random number generator.
I will notify the winner by return email and ask for an address to mail the book to.
Then TLC Book Tours will have the book sent to you.
Easy-peasy!
Have fun and good luck.
Don’t miss out!
To make sure you don’t miss out on future Give-Aways, subscribe to Silver & Grace by RSS or Email
Book review: What’s Next for You?
The first thing that struck me when I received The Gussin Guide to Big Changes, Big Decisions, & Big Fun was the non-assuming cover. It looked more like the original Monopoly box than a fancy schmancy user guide. But, it turns out that reading Robert and Patricia Gussin’s book was remarkably similar to Monopoly. In that, it provided the same comfort as sitting around the family kitchen table playing a time proven board game
What’s Next for You? is not so much of a guide, as a memoir of how of a couple went from fulfilling careers to retirement to fulfilling careers. The premise is there is an exciting life to be led during retirement. However, the lessons to be learned are not implicitly stated in the book. Which is quite refreshing actually.
By the time I finished What’s Next for You?, which includes passages written by both Robert and Patricia, I felt that we were old friends. That I had just spent a fun afternoon with them sipping wine while hearing about their adventures. Extracting how I might emulate their adventures is left entirely up to me.
I am not likely to build a six bedroom home on the ocean, buy vineyards and a winery in New Zealand, nor start a book publishing business. All after I retire! However, inspired by their energy and zest for life, I am more convinced than ever that retirement is really a graduation to another stage of life.
Patricia, by the way, refuses to use the word retirement, opting for the word graduation. Retirement, by definition, implies withdrawal. Graduation suggests moving onto something else.
What’s Next for You? provided me with two clear lessons. The first one is labelled by the Gussins thoughtful impulsiveness. It is all about being open to opportunities and adventure, while still collecting all your facts. In other words, don’t go off half-cocked, but after you have done your homework, be willing to take a risk.
The second lesson comes from their book dedication; admittedly a section I normally don’t pay attention to.
“This book is dedicated to our children and grandchildren, who always wonder what we’ll do next.”
This is exactly how Mr Very Right and I want to live our lives. Our children are already getting a taste of our creative energies, but if we can always keep ‘em guessing right up to the end, we will have lived a very rich life indeed.
If you are wondering how you are going to fill your days when you retire, I recommend What’s Next for You? If you end up doing half as much as Robert and Patricia Gussin, I promise you the days will fly by.
What’s Next for You? is available for purchase through Amazon by clicking the Silver & Grace book recommendations.
Don’t miss out!
To make sure you don’t miss out on any book reviews, topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email
Graceful Women: Why I went gray; or, conversations with Ed
The top post at Silver & Grace, based on search hits, is Gray hair can be beautiful and sexy. Here I briefly touch on my own decision to go gray, and display a photo of myself in all my gray haired glory.
It’s a hot topic, this going gray business. Hot enough for Anne Kreamer to write an entire book on it, which I reviewed and then gave away in a contest.
Andrea Squires was the lucky winner of the contest, and receipt of the book coincided with her own going gray transition. I asked Andrea to tell her going gray journey, and what she shared was incredible story of self acceptance.
Here is Andrea’s story:
I decided to let my hair go gray for the same reason I had changed my hair color a million times: I was bored.
Or so I thought.
As I went through the tedious and sometimes disturbing process of letting my reddish-brown hair turn to pepper-and-salt, it turned out that my reasons went deeper. I had many pillow conversations about it with Ed, often at 3:00 am.
Ed always lets me know his opinions. A head-butt means “more scratching, now” and a gentle bite means “shut up, I’m trying to sleep.” Ed is 19, old for a cat, and did not get this far by letting the Meaning of Life interrupt his sleep.
In the end, letting my hair go gray is an outward sign of finally accepting me. I’m 49, never married, no children, unless you count Ed (which he does). As a young woman, I fell in love with theatre. I struggled to make a living as a performer. Gradually, I got tired of the road and ramen noodles, and settled to jobs in the computer industry. I stayed in Dilbert-Land for close to a decade, gaining weight and feeling trapped.
Three years ago, something in me woke up. On impulse, I applied for a dream job teaching presentation at a major museum—and got the job! I moved to Virginia, and started performing in a storytelling program.
Through teaching and stories, I discovered my own voice. As children and adults listened to me, I found that I valued myself. There is a strong folk tradition that age is strength, not weakness. From studying the stories of many cultures, I’m learning that age is an honorable, earned state and not a deficit.
Singlehood can be hard, as can the choice not to have children. Over the years, when I felt internal or external pressures to find a mate, I was prey to what I call the magic “If …”
“If I were 30 pounds lighter I would be sexy …”
“If my hair were that color, I could look younger …”
“If I were more disciplined, I could (fill-in-the-blank) …”
Sound familiar? I hated my body, my face, my hair, my personality … you name it, I thought it should change. I lived for a magical time when all the “Ifs” would come true. But that time never comes. It’s a mirage.
So I’m working on losing the “Ifs”—all but one. If I don’t try to appreciate who I am right now, warts and all, I will simply waste more of my precious life.
Ed would be biting my hand about now, so I’ll finish with my favorite moment from going gray. A young hairstylist commented that if I didn’t color my hair I would “look older.” Without really thinking about it, I smiled and said, “That’s OK with me.”
Your turn
Do you have a personal story to share? Silver & Grace is always looking for stories that turn the theory into reality. To submit your story click here.
Is there a topic related to the spiritual or physical aspect of aging gracefully that you would like to see covered? Please send post ideas to Eliza by using the Silver & Grace contact form.
Don’t miss out!
To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email
Embracing life with the Red Hat Society
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit. _excerpt from Warning by Jenny Joseph
Isn’t this a fantastic poem? The freedom to not care what we look like or how we act?
But why wait until we are old? Why not start now?
Just like the ladies in the Red Hat Society.
I was in my early thirties when I first heard of the Red Hat Society. Old women strutting their stuff in flamboyant red hats and purple dresses. Purple! Who wears purple?
My very controlled self was horrified. These women were deliberately drawing attention to themselves! How completely undignified of them.
That was then. But here I am looking at 50, which is NOT old, and my reaction is entirely different.
You go, girls!
It all started innocently enough. Sue Ellen Cooper gave a friend a gift of a red hat and a copy of the Jenny Joseph poem. The friend gave this same gift to another friend. And just like the old shampoo commerical, she gifted two friends, and she gifted two friends, and the Red Hat Society was born.
And there is nothing undignified about these ladies. While they push the boundaries of society’s rules for older women, they certainly aren’t out tearing up the town like a gaggle of brash hussies. They are simply a group of energetic women sharing companionship, support, and laughs.
I think my grandmothers, two women I greatly admired, were closet Red Hatters. Hair coiffed and make up always applied. Keenly interested in their family and the world around them. But very strong women each in their own way. One by making a marriage work through difficulties by firmly laying down the ground rules. Another who taught sexual health to service men in the Second World War, driving herself home in an army jeep from posh events, ball gown hitched up to her thighs.
I still struggle a bit with just being me in public. There’s still that part of me afraid of someone thinking I am acting foolish. However, the times I truly relax, I find myself having a fantastic time. I realize that if someone else is horrified they are simply like that very controlled younger women who was once me.
I repeat
You go, girls!
If you are interested in joining a Red Hat Society chapter, or forming one for your area, please check out the Red Hat Society website.
Then go out and buy yourself a red hat and purple dress. And perhaps even learn to spit.
Your say
- Are you simply you no matter what the situation, or are there times you are concerned about what others may think?
- Do you belong to a ‘community of women’ like a book club or sorority?
Suggested Reading:
Please read the full poem here Warning by Jenny Joseph.
Your turn
Do you have a personal story to share? Silver & Grace is always looking for stories that turn the theory into reality. To submit your story click here.
Is there a topic related to the spiritual or physical aspect of aging gracefully that you would like to see covered? Please send post ideas to Eliza by using the Silver & Grace contact form.
Don’t miss out!
To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email
Book review: The Narcissist – A User’s Guide
Over the course of our lifetime, we all experience toxic relationships. Not just with lovers, but friends, bosses, and co-workers. We struggle painfully when we are in them, and we strive to understand them once we are free of them.
Often, we are able to find a pattern to the type of toxicity. It is at this point, we can work on ourselves, because that’s the only way we break free of destructive cycles.
I had my own pattern to break free of, and when I read Lori Hoeck’s and Betsy Wuebker’s The Narcissist: A User’s Guide, I could finally make sense of it all.
Lori and Betsy allowed me the honour of previewing their eBook, and I provided them with the following testimonial:
I had two narcissists in my life. The first one lasted 16 years, the second one 6 months. Seems I am learning to identify their existence in my life, and impact, faster. But, I sure wish I had the The Narcissist: A User’s Guide during these painful periods.
Recovering from the damage of these relationships was slow, and I thought I had wiped the last trace of their impact on my psyche clean away. But, when I read The Narcissist: A User’s Guide, each word leaped off the page at me and flooded me with relief.
It was like the Roberta Flack lyrics, “strumming my life with his finger,” only Betsy and Lori were strumming my life with their words. They confirmed that everything I experienced was very real. The damage to my psyche was very real. And the length of time it took to recover was very real.
I recommend The Narcissist: A User’s Guide to anyone who suspects they are dealing with a narcissist. You will learn, like me, that you are not crazy. And with this knowledge, you will gain the strength to untangle yourself from the Narcissist trap.
However, I have to be honest. This was my second testimonial. The carefully thought out one. But I want to share my initial testimoninal with you, because it’s a much better indication of the impact The Narcissist had on me.
Two words and two words only:
Holy Shit!!!
And that was just the Word document version.
Then they sent me the final product, designed by Deb Dorchak of Sirius Graphix. My reaction to this?
Holy Shit!!!
The Narcissist: A User’s Guide is a work of art by the authors and the designer. Clearly this is combined effort of a team who truly believe in the book’s message.
This is not a guide for hunting down the Great Evil Narcissist. Narcissim is a personalty trait, not a human abheration. I know the narcissists I was associated with struggle with their place in life each and every day of their lives.
No, this is a guide that helps you recognize the narcissistic traits that you are attracted to. That’s right, attracted to. Because we invite them into our lives for a reason. And until we figure out what that is, we cannot ask them to leave. Nor can we make sure we never open the relationship door to other narcissists.
If you are unhappy in any of your relationships, please read The Narcissist. It just might help you break free of your unhealthy patterns and set you off down a path of happiness and freedom.
You can learn more information here and here or jump right to the download page.
Suggested reading:
Betsy Wuebker can be found at Passing Thru. Lori Hoeck can be round at Think Like a Black Belt.
Both Betsy and Lori are also Silver & Grace Graceful Women contributers:
Your turn
Do you have a personal story to share? Silver & Grace is always looking for stories that turn the theory into reality. To submit your story click here.
Is there a topic related to the spiritual or physical aspect of aging gracefully that you would like to see covered? Please send post ideas to Eliza by using the Silver & Grace contact form.
Don’t miss out!
To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe to Silver & Grace by RSS or Email
What women over 40 want to know – Top 5 posts
It has been over six months since Silver & Grace first invited women to its virtual table. Now, therefore, seems like a good time to recap what women over 40 want to know, based on the Top 5 Silver & Grace posts.
Gray hair can be beautiful and sexy
Interestingly, this post on the best way to transition from coloured to natural gray has generated double the page hits of the next most popular Silver & Grace post. Not surprising, because before I made my own transition I scoured the Internet for advice on how to avoid ’skunk head’ and whether my gray hair will need a different ‘maintenance’ routine.
If you are considering letting your hair go au naturel, have a read here.
Graceful Women: You are an Empty Nester when …
I never once believed that I would suffer Empty Nest Syndrome, so it came as a huge shock when I basically lost 2 years to complete No More Children brain fog. Linda Abbit suffered a double whammy with the death of her mother and her son moving off to college. But when I asked her if she would contribute her story to the Graceful Women’s series, Linda’s indomitable spirit showed through.
Have a read of Linda’s fun, yet bang on check list of knowing when you are an Empty Nester, by clicking here.
What are you really holding on to … and why?
When a long term relationship broke down, I moved from a 2200 square foot home to an 800 square foot apartment. I decided to purge not only the baggage of my relationship, but also all the material baggage I had been holding onto. It was an emotional roller-coaster, but I got my belongings down to what was really important to me.
There are a lot of articles about how to declutter, but I was hard pressed to find any on why we collect and keep stuff in the first place. Enter Janice Hunter, a homelife coach, who was more than happy to share the psychology of clutter. See if you fall into any of the clutter traps by reading here.
Understanding weight gain after 40
I run, I eat healthfully, and I limit my alcohol consumption. But there it is. That pot that continually threatens to grow into a full sized cauldron just by looking at some sinful treat. I used to be able to eat what I what, when I wanted, and as much as I wanted. Not anymore.
To find out why we gain weight so easily, have a read here.
Graceful Women: Taking Care of Mom
The kids are out of the house, or are at least fairly independent. We have settled into our careers. And we are nicely figuring out what we are going to do with our spare time and energy. Then a parent becomes physically or mentally incapacitated, and all of sudden we find ourselves parenting our parent.
Lori Hoek’s mom has Alzheimer’s and is unable to look after herself. Lori, in a sense, has become her mother’s mom. When I asked Lori if she would share her story, she sent me a poignant story that brought tears to my eyes. Read it for yourself here.
Your turn
Do you have a personal story to share? Silver & Grace is always looking for stories that turn the theory into reality. To submit your story click here.
Is there a topic related to the spiritual or physical aspect of aging gracefully that you would like to see covered? Please send post ideas to Eliza by using the Silver & Grace contact form.
Don’t miss out!
To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email
Book Review: How to Save Your Own Life
I have two criteria for rating Self Help books:
- How many quotes did I make note of to ponder further?
- Did it make me cry?
How to Save Your Own Life: 15 Lessons on Finding Hope in Unexpected Places, by Michael Gates Gill, scored high on both criteria.
I have fifteen quote markers. And I cried not once, but three or four times. Granted, I am perimenopausal and I cry during commercials, but four times for a 175 page book is saying something.
Michael Gates Gill is the author of the bestseller How Starbucks Saved My Life, in which he chronicles his riches to rags story. After losing his six-digit figure salary, his marriage, and his health, he found happiness where he least expected to, as an employee at Starbucks.
In How to Save Your Own Life, Michael Gill distils the lessons he learned into an inspirational book. And what I found very refreshing about this particular self-help guide is Mr. Gill’s honesty and frankness. Bottom line, he was a pretty conceited fellow, born into a privileged life, with an Ivy League education and a high powered corporate career handed to him on the proverbial silver platter.
He makes no bones about this. As a matter of fact, the comparison of his life then to his life now form the basis of his lessons. Long hours and high pay versus part time job and low pay. Never seeing his adult children grow up versus spending the early hours of each morning one on one with a son conceived very late in life. Taking his health for granted versus living with a brain tumour. Large mansion and a family Summer residence to a tiny, sparsely furnished apartment.
Each comparison is discussed with thoughtful candour.
No earth shattering revelations, just basic truths, which is why I spent so much time crying. Simple words of wisdom that really hit home and inspired me.
A good number of the lessons in the book, I had already learned myself and implemented. For example, money and career are not the be all and end all. I requested a demotion at work, and I am much happier for that decision. But, although I might have already made similar mindset and lifestyle changes as described in How to Save Your Own Life, I still found aspects of my life that can be improved upon.
How to Save Your Own Life is an extremely enjoyable and inspirational read. It’s a reminder that we need to slow down and really think about what is truly important to us.
Suggested reading:
How Starbucks Saved My Life and How to Save Your Own life are available for purchase through Amazon by clicking the Silver & Grace book recommendations.
To find out what other people are saying about this book, check out the following TLC Book Tour reviews:
January 4: MidLifeBloggers
January 5: Life and Times of a “New” New Yorker
January 7: The Written World
January 12: TexasRed Books
January 13: It’s All A Matter of Perspective
January 14: A Novel Menagarie
January 15: Nanny Goats in Panties
January 19: Stephanie’s Confessions of a Book-A-Holic
January 20: Thoughts of an Evil Overlord
January 26: Inventing My Life
