Darn Near 50: Has life hit you with a frying pan?

I have to admit that I am a control freak. Not with regards to other people. I am really good about only offering advice when asked, and letting friends and family follow their own journeys. Rather, I am a self-control freak.

I used to be really bad in terms of my ‘need to know’. I mean really bad. To the point that if Hubby said we were going to Canadian Tire, and we went to Canadian Tire AND Home Depot I would get upset.

Ya, I know, that is anal. I have given up on that.

I have never done illicit drugs in my life, because there was no way I was handing over control to a chemical. That and I get high on Neo Citron, so I figured I would be the one who thought she could fly on her very first toke and launch myself out a tenth story window.

I rarely drink alcohol and when I do it is a single glass of something. No getting tipsy for me.

Okay, so drugs and alcohol might not be good examples, because controlling those are good things. But lately, I have had to let go of THREE more esoteric things in the space of three weeks. To say I am feeling adrift without a life line is an understatement. More like adrift in middle of the ocean with no land or rescue boat or helicopter anywhere in sight.

The only thing that is keeping me from sinking is trust. Trust that it will all work out just as it should.

In fact, when I look back over my darn near fifty years of life, every single time I let go and trust, it does work out just as it should.The proof is there. I just get wrapped up in controlling something and I forget.

But life has a funny way of reminding you of basic principles. Generally when you refuse to remember something, you get smacked over the head with the proverbial frying pan. It hurts like freakin’ heck so you drop whatever you were holding onto so tightly.

And ….

Surprise, surprise, it is always for the best.

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Your valuable feedback will be used indirectly in the content of the book, or directly as quotes. Before the book is published, I will contact contributors to verify if they want to be anonymous, or if their real names can be used.


  • Over the years have you learned to let go of control and just let things unfold?
  • When you do cling tightly to something, in what way does life remind you to let go?
  • If you are totally honest with yourself, are there still things in your life you are trying to control?

You can provide your thoughts by emailing me at eliza@silverandgrace.com or using this convenient form.

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  1. I agree with you, Eliza, when you say, “(I)t does does work out.” Looking back, I find many thanigs that had worked out differently than expected. Yet, when viewed in the context of life lived thus far, I can see that was for the best. It’s the context that gives us clarity, or so it seems

    • Bharti – I am a huge believer that the Universe plays a great big huge game of connect the dots with us. Each individual event may not make sense, but as you say when viewed in the context of life the events make perfect sense.

  2. I hear you Eliza, but one of my first assignments when I got into counseling in my thirties, was to slowly let go of my “illusion of control.”

    Spend some time thinking about what you really “control” and you will realize it’s all an illusion. Being the first generation raised on a regular diet of nuclear war, global warming and global economies shows us exactly how much we do control. Plus, like in my case, what seemed like my own worst case scenario (like first losing my husband and then my job) eventually turned into the opportunity of a lifetime to change and improve my life by 1000%!

    I have learned to focus on trusting in the universe (like you have lately) and now I feel much less stressed. Feeling responsible for things you don’t control is the definition of insanity. I know it sounds awfully simple, but it happened to be true!

    This is just a small part of what I have learned from my own various midlife crises…and the beat goes on.

    Laura Lee
    Laura Lee Carter aka the Midlife Crisis Queen´s last blog post ..The Chaperone, A Book Review

    • Laura Lee – very often it takes a crisis (frying pan over the head) to get us to let go, but bit by bit we learn to trust the universe more and more. And yes, it really does alleviate stress.

  3. I have to admit that letting go of that control and hanging onto to trust and faith is allot harder to do than I ever realized. The funny thing I never thought I was a control freak, until I sat back and looked back at the past 50 years. Amazing how life’s lessons form us it ways we never thought would happen.

    • Lucie – I have let go of a lot over the years, so it was a bit discombobulating to find out there was more LOL

  4. I agree that the world is out of our control — the economy, the wars, the hurricanes, earthquakes and tsunamis — and so I try to control my little corner of the world as much as possible. Maybe I need a little therapy myself, but what I’ve learned is that you can trust your loved ones, and maybe your doctor or your minister, but you cannot trust your employer, your employees, your bank, the politicians, or the guy tailgating you out on the highway.

  5. Lori Joseph says:

    I am 16 days shy of Fifty. I believe it is our societal conditioning that fuels our egos making us think we actually have control. Personally I have made great strides to let go of control. When I pay attention to my surroundings I often get reminded by butterflies and birds, that tend to show up in unexpected ways, that I am not alone on this journey. It’s almost as if they’re cheering me on and sometimes reminding me to keep it light and not to burden myself with such heaviness.
    I have to laugh as I write this because my life is a frying pan right now.
    Just sent the Baby of 4 off to college. One left college forfeiting a full academic scholarship to join the Army and will be jumping from plains the week of my birthday. My husband of 32 years tomorrow lost his job for the first time in our life and I’m in the middle of spearheading a non-profit national campaign to raise money for volunteer firefighters while packing our house to relocate to parts unknown. I absolutely have NO CONTROL.


  1. […] And if you haven’t already done so, have a read of my article Has life hit you over the head with a frying pan? I would love to hear your thoughts on how life just keeps upping the ante until we finally get […]

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