Divorcing after 40
Last week I posted an awesome list, by Dr. Gina Barreca, on how to keep a good marriage good. But, what happens if our marriage is not good? None of us enter marriage with the plan to end it, but for many reasons a divorce is sometimes the best for our mental, spiritual, and sometimes physical health.
Into our forties and fifties, we tend to do an assessment on all aspects of our lives, including our relationships. Silver & Grace guest post author, Nicola Baume, offers up sensitive words of advice on later in life divorces.
My mother once told me that she loved turning 50 because finally she really didn’t care what other people thought of her. As long as she lived her life to her own principles and ethics then everyone else could like it or lump it.
She came from a different generation to me. I turn 50 this year, yet I feel I have been living this way for nearly the last decade. Maybe 40 is the new 50 for my generation.
Many women are reaching their 40’s and reassessing their lives, the decisions they have made and the concessions they have lived with. Children are grown or able to fend for themselves, relationships are not satisfying and the future is not looking how they wanted it.
Women may have put everything on hold to raise children and be a home maker, but many look to the future and think, NO, I can’t continue like this because I’m getting lost in the role of mother, wife or career woman. It seems to be crunch time and often leaving an unhappy marriage is the first step that is taken to reclaim the individuality that is craved.
Around 40 women may go outside their usual life to study, work, create or help in a bid to find the spark they are missing in their life. Many women have a loving spouse who will support them in their bid to reevaluate and change and broaden themselves, but not all. For some women, it is their relationship that feels like the weight that cannot be shifted.
Divorce is more often than not instigated by the woman and frequently the poor man doesn’t really understand the reasons.
Divorce after 40 can be terrifying when finances run low, anger spills over into the legal proceedings, children are affected, and you simply do not know where to turn to make things better.
Even though women still tend to be the ones that do not recover financially, whether because of bad financial decisions or not being able to earn enough money, they will still be glad to be out of their marriage. It matters more that they are able to feel they are an individual entity with full control over their decisions than financially better off.
Many women thrive after a late divorce, they become the person they want to be, putting time into the things that interest them and give them pleasure. Countless women discover the joys of working and career after their divorce, becoming valued members of society for contributing in a way they had not before.
There is another group of women that go through divorce after 40 from a totally different stand point and these are the women who do not choose the separation. This group of women may have a much more difficult time getting through the divorce process as they did like what they saw in their vision of the future and had no intention of not following the path they had set.
Needless to say, it is more difficult for this group but by and large most women get through stronger and able to make for themselves a happy, fulfilling life with or without the addition of a new partner.
Divorce after 40, whether chosen or not, is just another twist on life’s pathway. It is a transition into a new phase and it is what women make of this phase that makes their life happier or not.
More information
Nicola Baume is a divorce planner and coach helping people get through marriage breakdown so they can move on into their happily ever after with confidence. You can read more from Nicola at http://www.simpledivorceadvice.com
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