Embracing life with the Red Hat Society
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit. _excerpt from Warning by Jenny Joseph
Isn’t this a fantastic poem? The freedom to not care what we look like or how we act?
But why wait until we are old? Why not start now?
Just like the ladies in the Red Hat Society.
I was in my early thirties when I first heard of the Red Hat Society. Old women strutting their stuff in flamboyant red hats and purple dresses. Purple! Who wears purple?
My very controlled self was horrified. These women were deliberately drawing attention to themselves! How completely undignified of them.
That was then. But here I am looking at 50, which is NOT old, and my reaction is entirely different.
You go, girls!
It all started innocently enough. Sue Ellen Cooper gave a friend a gift of a red hat and a copy of the Jenny Joseph poem. The friend gave this same gift to another friend. And just like the old shampoo commerical, she gifted two friends, and she gifted two friends, and the Red Hat Society was born.
And there is nothing undignified about these ladies. While they push the boundaries of society’s rules for older women, they certainly aren’t out tearing up the town like a gaggle of brash hussies. They are simply a group of energetic women sharing companionship, support, and laughs.
I think my grandmothers, two women I greatly admired, were closet Red Hatters. Hair coiffed and make up always applied. Keenly interested in their family and the world around them. But very strong women each in their own way. One by making a marriage work through difficulties by firmly laying down the ground rules. Another who taught sexual health to service men in the Second World War, driving herself home in an army jeep from posh events, ball gown hitched up to her thighs.
I still struggle a bit with just being me in public. There’s still that part of me afraid of someone thinking I am acting foolish. However, the times I truly relax, I find myself having a fantastic time. I realize that if someone else is horrified they are simply like that very controlled younger women who was once me.
I repeat
You go, girls!
If you are interested in joining a Red Hat Society chapter, or forming one for your area, please check out the Red Hat Society website.
Then go out and buy yourself a red hat and purple dress. And perhaps even learn to spit.
Your say
- Are you simply you no matter what the situation, or are there times you are concerned about what others may think?
- Do you belong to a ‘community of women’ like a book club or sorority?
Suggested Reading:
Please read the full poem here Warning by Jenny Joseph.
Your turn
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Hi Eliza – I look like a dork in chapeaux, so no, I’ll not be wearing a red hat any time soon. I wondered about the entire industry that evolved in the gift markets, making stuff for the red hat ladies, etc. It seemed kind of cynical or Hallmark-y. But I do have a posse of close women friends, and we gave up caring about what people think a long time ago. That’s wonderful, and I highly recommend it.
Hi Eliza,
I have already done more than most women, so I don’t feel obligated to let loose now, but it’s hard for me to find a posse of similarly minded ladies locally.
Eliza,
I have had the poem hanging on my wall since I was thirty. I thought to myself, hell, I’m not waiting until I’m old to wear red and purple, who’s says old people get to have all the fun!
SO, yes, I went out and bought purple swede boots and a purple leather jacket twenty years ago on my 30th birthday, a little obnoxious gift to myself, and I still have them. Don’t wear them quite as often but they get out once in awhile. Actually I think I’m on my third pair of purple boots now. As for Red? I wear it all the time and I have no problem mixing the two together if I feel like it.
I don’t officially turn 50 until April. I’m not sure I’ll actually join or not. I’m too busy. But it might not hurt to be a token member just for the fun of it. A rite of passage, embrace the age, walk under the rainbow of color and celebrate!
Why not, I’ve earned every number and lived each one with passion and love. I look forward to lots more.
@Betsy – I cannot wear a hat at all. I wish I could. My daughter looks stunning in a hat. I just look plain ridiculous. Glad to hear I am not the only chapeau dork
I found the commercialism that has sprung from the Red Hat Society fascinating as well. But what the heck. If something takes off, who am I to say it shouldn’t be merchandised? Would I turn down someone wanting to commercially brand Silver & Grace? Not if it was in line with the Silver & Grace values. I would turn down something I am ethically opposed to no matter what I was being offered. I am very confident making that statement. Money is not the be all and end all by a long stretch.
@Lori – When I lived in a small town, I found it darn near impossible to find a posse of confident and ‘devil may care’ women. I just found 1 and we are still friends today even though she lives far away. Living in a city though, I have a bigger selection of women to chose from
And their partners have the same attitude, so we all go out as couples and simply have a heck of a lot of fun.
@Wendi – Personally, I like the balance of male and female energies and much prefer events with men and women. So while I understand and appreciate getting together in a sorority or something like the Red Hat Society, it isn’t on my To Join list.