Gray hair can be beautiful and sexy
In my early forties, I made the decision to go gray. This decision was not taken lightly. Ask someone to visualize a gray haired woman, and chances are they will conjure up their grandmother or great auntie. Not the image I had of myself.
However, one day I looked in the mirror and realized the silver in my roots looked pretty nice. As well, I was getting increasingly concerned about the effects of chemicals on my head and the environment.
When I look in the mirror now, I don’t see gray hair. I simply see me. My hair is healthy, soft, and beautiful, and the woman smiling back at me is sexy and full of self-confidence.
Why does hair go gray?
Our hair colour comes from melanin. As we age, the body produces less melanin, and our hair starts to gray.
The age at which this occurs is based
- Heredity – my children have a double whammy; both their father and I started graying in our early twenties!
- Stress – the expression ‘this is enough to turn my hair gray’ is true. Stress hormones can negatively impact hair pigments.
What’s the best way to go gray?
- Partner with your hairdresser – I had to convince my hairdresser that I really did want to go gray. However, once he knew I was serious, we worked on a plan to avoid that horrible skunk line.
- Get some low-lights – my hairdresser suggested weaving in a couple of colours. At each session he applied less colouring until my hair was all gray.
- Layer your hair – first of all, a funky new haircut will keep you feeling sexy. Second, the layers, like the low-lights, help avoid the obvious difference between the incoming gray and your coloured hair.
- Go really short – this option is not for everyone. I waited until I was almost completely gray, then cut all the colour off. If you have the patience to wait it out, keeping your hair your normal length is quite fine.
How long will this take?
Hair grows about half an inch a month, so anticipate about six months to make a complete transition.
Does gray hair require different treatment?
Yes, the cuticle on gray hair is thinner making it more prone to drying and breakage. It also absorbs pollutants, and can look yellow.
- Use a shampoo formulated for gray hair – I just use baking soda, and wash my hair less often, making my hair extremely healthy and shiny. However, I realize this is not for everyone, so use silver-specific shampoos. But go easy to avoid giving your hair a blue tinge.
- Use a good conditioner – again, I opt for the natural solution of apple cider vinegar, but there are really good silver-specific conditioners available.
- Straighten you hair – gray hair reflects light, so keeping it smooth adds that extra zing.
Are there other changes to make?
- Update your wardrobe – once I was completely gray, my daughters forbid me to wear cream or oatmeal coloured clothing. They said it made me looked tired and washed out. “Think jewel tones, Mummers!” Now I wear black, rich browns, and beautiful greens, blues and reds.
- Add colour to your face – update your makeup as well. I really play up my eyes now, making them pop. You can also get away with a bit more blush.
I have received more compliments about my hair, now that I’m gray, than I have in my entire life. And rather than making me look older, I have been told that I look younger. I would say this is a combination of shiny, healthy hair and the confidence I feel of working with my body’s natural aging process.
If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy:
Book review: Going Gray
Why I went gray
Your turn:
Does the colour of our hair impact how we view ourselves?
If you have embraced your natural gray, do you have any other tips to share?
I am slowly going grey but I still have to colour my hair as the rest of it is too dark and I look like a skunk. I had to convince my hair dresser to lighten my hair to match the grey as opposed to darkening the grey which made me look older (and it was more difficult to maintain).
I don’t think grey hair makes me look old because I’ve updated my make-up and wardrobe to match. I think it is great (and sexier) if a woman is confident enough to embrace the age that she is. Trying to look too young is for “cougars”.
If you want a guy’s opinion (I dunno if that’s allowed here…
) hair DOES contribute to a woman’s attractiveness. But the color itself, I could care less. The importance is the overall appearance.
All things being equal, I like long hair on women. Most guys probably do. But if done right, short can be quite attractive. It’s all good…just so long as it looks FEMININE.
Too many women in their 40s opt for the shorter, low-maintenance Uni-sex cut. To the point that they almost look like dudes.
It’s almost like a rite of passage. “Ooh, I turned 40. Therefore I must cut my hair short and look more masculine, so everyone can identify me as middle-aged”.
Sigh. Watch it, ladies. That’s only a few steps away from the “Old-Lady Brush-cut” that the 70-year olds like to wear. (With the mandatory big gaudy earrings).
Oh, Eliza, this is SUCH a welcome post! Thank you, thank you…
Countless women have approached me throughout my adult years just to compliment me on being brave enough to wear my natural color. They were from all walks and stations of life and all were totally serious. It’s astounding the way media and peer pressure steer women into thinking there’s something wrong with simply being who they are. Sure, I can see how it’s fun to experiment with coloring in a playful way, but apparently even for women with this mindset it’s easy to become “stuck.”
My hair started turning in my teens, and let me tell you, in my mid-twenties half my hair was silver and the other half was still deep brunette. I’ve always worn it long: sometimes straightened, often styled in loose curves, and now that I’m nearly all silver and the heating appliances cause yellowing, I’m so relieved to let it just so all wild a natural. I’ve discovered I have curly-ish hair and I love it!
If only women would be able to understand the FREEDOM that comes from low maintenance. It’s like giving up the routine and expense—and the headache of continual watchfulness—of having acrylic nails. Same thing with our hair color and the care and styling. Like you, I’ve opted for natural shampooing. It’s amazing what a simple change like this can make to our overall lifestyle. Add up ALL the little changes and we find we have a brand spanking new lease on life.
Friar? Thank you for your comments. My experience has been that of more men than women complimenting me. When I was single, my silver hair was like a man magnet: at the clubs, restaurants, grocery stores, on the street… One man on the bus actually quizzed me about my “courageous transition.” He wanted pointers to add to his own pleas to his wife to stop coloring her hair. He wanted to see the real her and she wasn’t believing him. Truth. Cross my fingers and hope to die.
Awesome do!
Thank you for writing about this subject. Aging gracefully doesn’t mean, like Canadian Army Wife wrote, putting on the Cougar image — or letting the hair go skunk or stiff. It’s about what’s inside radiating confidently through our looks. I’ve also stopped using shampoos, occasionally using the lightest wash possible with Eucerin’s Calming Body Wash, which is a daily shower oil, so too much is like an oil dump, but just right adds the shine.
@Friar, so I’m guessing you didn’t like Demi Moore’s hair cut in GI Jane?
@Canadian Army Wife – I think when women try to dress, and accessorize (including hair colour), significantly younger than their age group, they end up looking older than their age. For example, our skin tone changes as we age, and when we use a hair colour that is too dark or harsh, it creates a stark contrast to our face, which is not flattering. As for grey hair making us look old, I am reading an excellent book, which I will be doing a post on later, in which she completely disproves the theory that grey hair ages us.
@Friar – yes a guy’s opion is definitely allowed here. Interestingly, I had men I dated tell me they couldn’t ‘handle’ my grey hair. That was the end of them, of course.
As for short hair, I don’t believe it’s the short hair that creates an androgynous, or even ‘dude’ look. Jamie Lee Curtis with her super short GREY hair is most definitely NOT dude-like. And I have seen many women with super short hair who are absolutely elegant. I think it is the overall package. No word of a lie, on my daily bus commute, people get on in the forty + age group and I have no idea as to their gender. I finally determine they are women, but they hide all that is feminine about themselves.
So, I think it boils down to embracing your femininity. That doesn’t mean dresses, high heels, and perfect nails. Heck, most of the time you will find me in jeans and a tank top, hauling dirt around my yard, or wielding a hammer. I mean loving the fact that you are a woman. That is what shines through, regardless of hair colour or length, and that is what is sexy.
@Julie – I knew you’d be commenting on this. I love your beautiful white hair. Isn’t it interesting that other women think we are brave for not colouring our hair? Brave implies that we are afraid of something, but we are doing it anyway. I also have had men tell me that they tell their wives to please stop colouring their hair. Now, here’s an interesting question. Are these men doing this because their wives fuss and frett about their grey hair? And the husband is really saying relax and stop fretting? And the gentleman in your story said he wanted to see the ‘real’ her. Does this mean that colouring her hair is one of several ways in which she hides the real her? I am sure there are women who colour their hair because it pleases them to do so. Playing with hair colour is like buying a new shade of eye shadow. But they aren’t afraid of their grey streaks, so they don’t frett or make a fuss about them. Do their husbands ask them to stop colouring their hair? Likely not. No more than they would think to tell their wife not to buy that particular shade of eye shadow.
Really the whole psychology around this topic is quite fascinating.
@Lori – “what’s inside radiating confidently through our looks” … okay, so that nicely sums up my long winded replies to everyone else’s comments
As you know, I’m totally on board with the grey thing. I would like to argue with one point, however — the suggestion that we need to straighten our hair if it’s grey. You want me to straighten out my wild curls so I can have a nice smooth grey helmet of hair? Why? I give my daughter heck all the time for straightening our her beautiful curls — she does it because apparanlty only straight hair is cool. Nevermind the awful damage you do to your hair with that flatiron every day. As you point out – grey hair is dryer and more prone to breakage. Why torture it like that? You’ve gone to the lengths of letting it go grey naturally. Using natural products on it, why not let it go curly naturally?
@XUP – a fair counter argument. The point in my post being simply that for added zing you can straighten it. I certainly don’t advocate doing this on a regular basis. Each morning, as I look in the mirror, I decide what to straighten, if anything. Generally, it’s just my bangs. Sometimes bit to frame my face. On the very rare occassion, I straighten it all for a different look. In general, though, I find neither the blow dryer, nor the straightening iron necessary. Also there is a difference between your curls, which are tight and beautiful, and my sometimes unruly waves that depending on the weather want to go in the most ridiculous directions
Hi Eliza. I think you look stunning! I too made the decision to go grey a couple of years ago. Just before that I tried the redhead look. I liked it and got a lot of compliments, but the upkeep wasn’t worth it. I’ve been lucky that my grey has come in pretty evenly so I don’t feel that there was much of a transition. Except for the wardrobe of course.
@Davina – thank you. It helps that the photo was taken by my beautiful daughter. It’s amazing how much upkeep is involved in coloured hair, in terms of time, money, and having to pay attention to when to book that hair appointment. Now I just book an appointment when my hair needs a bit of trim, and one or two weeks past when that appointment is required is no big deal.
Traveled over here for something else, but you know I can’t resist a pretty face, so click and read I did.
I just wanted to say there’s only one word I associate with a woman in her 40s and grey hair: elegance. There is nothing – absolutely nothing – that looks more elegant (to me) than a modern woman confidently wearing silver hair and dressing well to match it.
Ha, like you! Take that!
@James – well, like I told Friar, the male perspective is always welcome here. Especially when it involves paying me a compliment
I have been gray for so many years I have no clue what my real color was at one time. I started going gray in my early 20′s, I colored it and hate it everytime i did. I know wear a beautiful short cut (not too short) my gray is really beautiful and i get compliments on a everyday level. I think it’s heridetary my son is 28 and has been going gray for sometime now. Its not for everyone, but because i feel so great about my self it just does not interfere with anything.
@Yoshira – welcome! I think mine was dark brunette with auburn highlights at some point in my life
Two of my three children are going grey already (ages 23 and 25) and both are quite happy with that. I love this line: because i feel so great about my self it just does not interfere with anything. It’s so true. I love my grey hair. It is simply part of who I am.