Interview: author Gina Barreca

Loved Gina Barreca’s book It’s Not That I’m Bitter … ! Gina is my kind of woman. No sugar coating the vagaries of life; just cut right to the chase. So, I knew I could ask her about why we insist on beating ourselves up as women, or selling ourselves short, and she would earthy hard hitting answers.

Eliza asked:

I would like to explore this statement in your book in which you extol us to not create Girly Rules: you are getting what you need by the privilege of your sex rather than the right of your humanity. I remember being in university with a brilliant young woman. Super intelligent, but whenever we were in the presence of men she turned into this doe-eyed weaker sex creature. I was astounded, and horrified, with the transformation. Mind you, she got the dates and I didn’t. But I was me no matter what situation I was in. Far less exhausting that way!

I think it is important to acknowledge and celebrate fundamental differences between men and women, but when it comes down to it, our humanity should get us what we need, not our gender. Supposedly we have come so far, baby, but do you think we really have?

Gina answered:

We have not come as far as we need, darling, and part of the reason is because women continue to believe that it is somehow easier to snag privileges instead of insist on rights. What young women especially don’t understand–and perhaps it’s impossible for us to ever communicate to those under 35–is that every woman at some point in her life has been the ingenue or could have been. She is the young woman who, perhaps even without knowing it, manipulates her youthful attractions to her advantage, receiving attention because she is adorable and yet believing that the attention she receives is given to her because she is brilliant/witty/clever/sensitive/one of the boys.

No woman is one of the boys. That’s one of the hardest things to learn and you don’t learn it until you give up the idea that you’re Elizabeth Bennet’s soulmate or that you have sprung Athena-like from your father’s head with no help from your mother.

It’s interesting to realize how ubiquitous it is for smart women to think they are their fathers’ daughters and how little credit they give to the influence of their mothers or to the influence offered by any other women in their lives. Only by acknowledging the significance of the adult female in our own lives can adult women get on with the process of really growing up and accepting, with gratitude and generosity to ourselves and others, our lives as women.

The doe-eyed, brilliant, young women we encounter may have gotten the dates and may still, but this doesn’t last for long. It’s like the fact that going to a good university helps get you your first job; after that, you’re more or less on your own.

Eliza asked:

You have a chapter devoted to being the Second Wife. I suffered serious Second Wife Syndrome for the first year I was with Mr. Very Right. Every time she called, or otherwise reminded me she existed, I would suffer the most irrational jealousy. Kudos to my extremely patient man! As you point out, he picked me. Eventually, I was able to relax, but seriously, Gina, why do you think we Second Wives insist on questioning our worth? Oh, um, or is that just me?

Gina answered:

Of course we question ourselves when we marry a man who has been married before. There are times when marrying a man who has been married before seems to have all the problems of investing in a timeshare with none of the benefits: you have to deal with complicated schedules, with matters of ownership, with questions of taste. And we should also be aware of the fact that any man who’s more than 17 is probably going to appear as the demonic ex-boyfriend/ex-husband to some other woman on the planet, even as we think of him as Mr. Right, Mr. Very Right, or Mr. Suitable Enough for this Occasion.

I think that Second Wives question whether we have a right to be happy in our relationship when another woman clearly wasn’t. But that’s like looking at some fabulous pair of shoes that you see on sale, perfect and in our size, and wondering why no one else has bought them yet. It’s probably the origin of the whole Cinderella myth. Just because this guy hurt other people, just like the shoes might have hurt other people, doesn’t mean he’s going to hurt you. In other words, don’t walk a mile in her shoes. Walk happily into the sunset in your own.

Eliza asked:

First of all a huge THANK YOU! I will take Carrie Fisher’s Princess Leia any day over whats-her-name … Padmé. As a matter of fact, the whole sucky bad boy/long suffering girlfriend story line meant that I watched exactly 1.75 out of the 3.0 movies. And don’t get me started on Twilight (although admittedly I only managed 1 movie, so can’t say if the boy/girl storyline got any better). Okay, now that we know my views on simpering heroines *smile*… in your opinion why oh why are young women of today buying into these characters?

Gina answered:

Don’t get me started on Twilight. This post that I did for Psychology Today explains everything and more: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/snow-white-doesnt-live-here-anymore/200911/why-middle-aged-woman-loathes-twilight-encore.

(Eliza’s note: please do hop over to this post. Of course, I agreed with every word. Yep, I do like Gina.)

Would love to hear your thoughts?

Who is your favourite female movie heroine? And why?

More information!

Gina Barreca can be found at Untamed & Unabashed .

If you haven’t already done so, you can read my review of It’s Not That I’m Bitter … by clicking here

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