Interview: E, author of Shmirshky
Before I get to the interview part of this post, I just have to tell you how well timed the book, Shmirshky, was for me. It arrived in the mail while I was having a particularly bad perimenopausal phase. So, picture the following after having the book in my possession for a week.
I get up in the morning and want to take the book to work with me. I distinctly recall having the book beside me on the couch the night before, but the book isn’t on, or under, the couch. It isn’t on my desk. It isn’t on the book shelf. I check the recycling bin. You know, paper …. recycling … but no. Then I check the doors of the house. No forced entry, so clearly nobody came and stole the book overnight.
At this point, I am beside myself. I know, it’s just a book, but it’s the principle of finding that which is lost. I am so distraught, I consider phoning in sick in order to tear the house apart. In the end, I did the responsible thing and went to work, but I sat in the bus wracking my brains as to where the darn book could be.
You know where the book was? On my desk at work!
It was never on the couch beside me the night before, because I had left it at work! Now how awful is that? Not to mention ironic, completely losing track of a book that talks about perimenopausal forgetfulness.
All this to say, Ladies, if you haven’t already read my book review on Shmirshky, please do so here. And then get yourself a copy! You get a 20% discount by putting in the promotion code SILVERGRACE at shmirshky.com
And now onto the interview with the very witty, but very passionate about perimenopause and menopause (PM&M), E. And remember a shmirshky is a women and/or her vagina. An erlick is a man and/or his penis.
Eliza asked about support from the men in our lives:
I love your idea of a Shmirshky Board to support us through PM&M. I have never been one to surround myself with female friends, but I am now! We empathize with “oh yes, I know exactly what you are talking about”‘. But the men in our lives do not know exactly what we are talking about, and I am sure this leaves them dazed and confused at best, frustrated and angry at worst. You give a lot of credit to your husband’s support. What advice do you have for the men in our lives as we travel the wild journey of PM&M?
E answered:
We need to first educate ourselves about PM&M. Then, we need to share this knowledge with the important erlicks in our lives. How could they possibly know what we are going through? There is no crystal ball to look through so that they can read our shmirshkies! We must tell them, teach them, and talk to them. That is why, this book is for erlicks too. You can feel comfortable giving it to your boyfriend, husband and son. It is a quick easy read…with a few chuckles along the way so that no one falls asleep… and in a few hours communication opens up and the dark cloud is lifted on these precious relationships!
Erlicks want to be supportive, they want to help…they don’t know how. Here is a true story that brings this home. Early mornings you can find me in my shmirshky robe (they are on our website- coziest robe ever!) drinking coffee signing books. Outside of our house, it is swarming with construction people. The other day there was a knock at the door. It was our contractor with a question. He came in and saw me signing books – was intrigued by the cover (!) and asked what it was about. I told him it was about menopause. He said his wife was having the hardest time with it. He wanted to buy the book from me. I told him if he promised to read it first – it would be my gift. A few hours later, there was another knock at the door. It was his superintendent. He said his girlfriend was a total mess. She wouldn’t talk to him about it. He was so concerned and frustrated. He asked if he could buy a book. I told him the same thing. He left with a book – excited that there was something he could read to help him help her.
Yesterday, 7AM – again robe and coffee in hand….there was a knock at my door. I opened up the door…this lovely man whom I had never met said, “I heard you wrote a book about menopause. Can I buy one?” His wife is miserable and so is he. None of these men were shy about asking for a book. They really want to be supportive. I was thinking I need to take off my robe, throw on some jeans, grab a construction helmet and a backpack full of books and go hang out with the guys!
Eliza asked about discussing menopause ‘off days’ at work:
And speaking of men … the other day, I had to tell my younger male boss that I could not come into work, because I had done well just making it to my laptop to email him. Heck, I had done well to find my laptop! And since this was the third month in a row I had to call in sick for a couple of days, I decided it was time I gave him an explanation. I simply told him that there were definite advantages to being in my late forties, such as speaking my mind (that was guaranteed to make him laugh, since he just shakes his head in bemusement when I open my mouth), but it also meant a day or two a month when I wasn’t going to make it into work due to hormone induced brain fog and anxiety. As a society, we are only just speaking up about menopause privately. In your experience, are we starting to talk about the impacts of PM&M on our work lives, or do we still have a long way to go with this?
E answered:
Over half our lives we are in PM&M or post M. We need to get over the stigma and open up the conversation. Let’s take PM&M out of the beauty salons and put it on the boardroom tables. I wrote this book for anyone who has a vagina or knows someone who has one. Everyone is going to go through it. Your children, friends, co-workers and lover will go through it too. Why is this secret? We need to talk about it
You can spot a PM&M women pretty easily. She is usually surrounded by post its! One of the many symptoms of low estrogen is inability to concentrate, to stay focused/complete a task, problems with short term memory, inability to think clearly, anxiety, crying, mood swings, forgetfulness…. oh joy… need I go on? Shmirshky is a movement. Together, one person at a time, we can change the taboo that surrounds PM&M!
Eliza asked about the link between menopause and becoming vulnerable:
I am fascinated by the spiritual and psychological changes that women undergo during this stage of life. It could be that up until PM&M, we are so busy nurturing others that we don’t have time to nurture ourselves. Then KABOOM our body says “Hey! You WILL pay attention to me, and I’m going to throw the most outrageous symptoms at you to make sure you do.” You talk about the need to become comfortable with being vulnerable. Do you think the forced loss of control over our bodies leads to spiritual and psychological vulnerability?
E answered:
Definitely! Shmirshkies are great care givers. Usually we are at the bottom of our own list. You know what happens to the bottom of the list……you never get to it! PM&M forces us to focus on us. That’s one of the reasons we come into it kicking and screaming. We do not want to admit that we are not “fine.” It is like being in the grocery store with a child on the floor throwing a temper tantrum. There are many books out that suggest you leave the child on the floor and walk away. Have you ever seen the child stop crying,, get up and be fine on their own? I never have. Eventually the adult scoops the kid up and leaves the grocery store embarrassed and ready to throw that damn book out the window. I say scoop yourself up early! We need to learn how to be ok with not being “fine” so we can get the help and support we need. I was the queen of “fine” until I was forced to face PM&M.
Do not hide your shmirshky under a bush! Reaching out is IN! Suffering in silence is OUT!
Have your say:
Are you comfortable talking about your PM&M symptoms with your partner and loved ones?
Have your PM&M symptoms caused you to be absent from work?
Would you tell your boss why you can’t get your sorry brain foggy butt out of bed?
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