Joining the ranks of the Sandwich Generation
I had my children very young, and my parents are still hale and hearty. So, unless my adult children boomerang back home, I will not find myself looking after both my children and my parents simultaneously. However, many people do find themselves in this situation. These people form the Sandwich Generation.
Who makes up the Sandwich Generation?
The average age range of people caring for both children and elderly parents is between 45 and 64. Here are some related stats:
- one quarter of American families currently take care of elderly parents
- one third of those families also have unmarried children under the age of 25 still living at home
- eighty percent of these Sandwichers work outside of the home
- in the next 10 years, 2/3 of the baby boom generation will be caring for an elderly parent
Why is the Sandwich Generation membership expanding?
There are several reasons why concurrently caring for children and parents is becoming more prevalent:
- We are having our children later in life, such that we still have school age children well into our forties, and possibly fifties
- Our children are living at home longer, not leaving until well into their twenties
- Our parents are living longer, with the average life expectancy now surpassing 80 years old
What kind of care will our parents need?
The type of care depends on how healthy and independent our parents are. From simple help such as:
- transportation to appointments
- household maintenance
- cleaning
- cooking
To more involved help such as:
- physical assistance with bathing, dressing and feeding
- monitoring proper medication use
- managing their financial and legal affairs
Are women more involved in elder care than men?
Yes, we are. On the average, women spend twice the amount of time as caregivers than men. And we are more likely to make changes in our job to accommodate care-giving. And while men tend to help out with home maintenance and transportation, personal care still traditionally falls to women.
What are some of the challenges faced by caregivers?
Care-giving, especially when looking after two generations, can create a strain that leaves the caregiver mentally and physically drained. As well, there can be a financial strain caused by additional expenses, and increased absenteeism at work.
Is there a way to make this work?
Yes, there is. Here are some ways to make sure everyone remains as stress free as possible:
- Talk to siblings – be very specific about what is involved in elder care, and set clear expectations on who is going to do what
- Take care of yourself – make sure you make time for yourself, socialize, and maintain a healthy lifestyle with exercise and proper nutrition
- Don’t be hard on yourself – elder care, like parenting, is a case of learning as you go, so expect to make mistakes
- Get respite care – hire a professional geriatric care manager, and use support programs in the community
- Keep the lines of communication open – with your spouse, your children and your parents
- Respect your parent’s dignity and independence – make sure your parent has their own privacy and space, and feels free to contribute to the household
Is it as bad as it sounds?
No, actually it’s not. 95% of Sandwhichers feel satisfied with life in general, and 70% have developed stronger relationships with their parent. Not to mention a stronger bond that forms between the children and their grandparent in an intergenerational household.
The key to being in the middle of caring for children and parents is preparation and communication. With the entire family, including extended family, involved in decision making and workload, taking care of aging parents can be a very rewarding experience.
Suggested Reading:
The Sandwich Generation
The Sandwich Generation: Juggling Family Responsibilities
Study: The Sandwich Generation
Your turn:
- Have you discussed elder care with your aging parents, and your siblings?
- If you are looking after an aging parent, are you finding it a positive experience or a negative one?
I dont’ have kids, but I have a Mom who’s getting up there. Who might need some extra care (especially after a recent accident).
What does that make me…?
On “open faced” sammitch, I guess…(??)
Having just come to the end of my caregiving journey after eleven years I must say that this is an excellent summary of what it’s like for the sandwich generation, Eliza.
One other thing along with preparation and communication that helped me was to be organized and keep your priorities clear. You can’t always be there for your aging parents as well as your children, and at times tough choices must be made.
Being a caregiver was very hard, but I wouldn’t have missed it for anything now that I am no longer in the midst of it. This special time I had with my parents was truly a gift.
Linda Abbit’s last blog post..To Mom With Love on Your 100th Birthday
@Linda – that is an excellent point that you cannot be everything to everyone all the time. It is something that needs to be clear to everyone, but most importantly we need to be clear on it. We tend to take on too much, thinking we are failures if we don’t provide for everyone.
@Friar – no children, but a job to go to everyday, and a house to maintain … and a fair distance to drive to help out with Mom. That all adds up! So, open faced sammitch, or just a different grained bread.
My Mother was in the sandwich generation. She was an only child so had no siblings to help her out. I know it was hard on her but my Dad was a great help.
I worry that I WON’T be there for my parents when they need my help. We move around so much that we may not live close to my parents. I’m envisioning spending lots of money on travel and time away from my children in order to be there when I’m needed. I don’t feel I can leave everything on my sister’s shoulders just because she lives closer.
I’ve seen this in many military families, the siblings resent the ones who live far away because they aren’t there for the day to day struggles. It puts a lot of strain on relationships.
Canadian Army Wife’s last blog post..Canadian Forces Open House
This was a great post Eliza,
You have some really good stats. The sandwich generation is also really expanding right now because of the baby boomers. They are moving toward retirement and due to their large size, they are pushing on all sides of the current caregiving system. This will push a lot of adult children into a caregiving role in the years to come.
I work on two elderly caregiving blogs myself and I just wanted to offer them up. They write from the perspective of a large, nation-wide caregiving group and they are happy to answer any questions that your readers might have. If you are interested, check out http://www.rightathome.net/seniorhomecare.
Best,
Bill
@armywife – and not just a challenge within the military. One brother lives across the world, and I live 5 hour drive away from my parents. That leaves one brother living close to them. When my mother was sick and in hospital, he put in a full day’s work, went to the hospital, then came home to all the usual daily stuff. My brother in Spain felt helpless. I stayed in contact by email, and drove there and back in a weekend. And lasted for 3 weeks, not for months or years. How many families these days all live close to one another?
@Bill – thank you for sharing the link. There appear to be some interesting posts there.