Stylish dressing after age 40
I don’t know about you, but I find clothes shopping frustrating. I don’t want to dress like my daughters, but neither do I want to dress like my mother. No offense to my mother! It’s just that she shops in stores for Older Women.
The Younger Women stores don’t take into consideration breasts that are no longer as perky, and tummies that are no longer as flat. The Older Women stores have darts to go around ample bosoms, and pants to wrap around rounded bellies. I’m in between!
What’s a Mid-Life Woman to do?!
As Silver & Grace guest post author,Claire, points out it’s all about settling into your own unique style that makes you look and feel good. Then, pump it up with a nice pair of Jimmy Choo shoes!
Women over 40 are sexy. A lot of my best friends are over 40 and they are the most stylish, attractive and outgoing women I know. When you hit 40, you go through a number of transitions. You change both psychically and mentally. Your lifestyle often changes, such as kids leaving home, new job, new relationships. One of the hardest changes to accept, though, is our changing body. Weight distributes differently landing on our thighs and buttocks. Our breasts lose their perkiness.
But before we all run out and throw ourselves off the nearest bridge, I am going to show you that 40 is sexy. It’s all about the right clothes for our changing bodies and attitudes.
Stylish dressing is all about expressing your personality. It is all about not hiding behind baggy clothing, and choosing outfits that give you shape and flatter your figure.
A lot of people will tell you not to dress younger than you are. This is a matter of opinion and should not be taken as gospel. If your 29 year old friends or relatives are wearing fashionable ‘superdry’ jeans that you like, there is no reason why you can’t wear them too. If you are like me and have wider hips and thighs, low rise jeans make your legs and bum look fantastic.
Going out clubbing? Simply use common sense and consider if a particular look is flattering for your figure. A pair of nicely fitting jeans and a top mixed with bold jewelry will make you feel confident and young at heart.
People will also say “forget about being trendy when your 40″. This is such crap. Trends are what you make them. At 40 you have the insight and knowledge to experiment with your own look and create your own personal trends.
If you are concerned with the skin on your neck, consider a nice scarf to add an accent of colour to your outfit. If you have filled out around the middle in the last few years, simply think of jackets, tops and belts that break up your silhouette. Work with your shape and don’t get hang up on what you consider to be your faults.
You might also find that your hair is not as thick as it once was. This is a great excuse to finally get that bold short style you were never brave enough to get. You can accessories your new hair with clips, scarves and hats to add that sophisticated edge.
Now for some really good news! Your legs and shoulders take a long time to age, so this is the time to show them off. Wear knee length skirts to show off those heavenly pins and bold colourful shoes to add to the look. Tops that show off your shoulders can be accessorized with bold jewelry. But remember that show off one or the other to balance your outfit. If you want to show off your shoulders, wear a longer skirt, dress or trousers. If you wish to show off those lovely legs, then cover up on top.
If you have big boobs, get a really good bra from Marks n Spencers or Bravissimo and be measured for the right size. Then draw attention to your fantastic breasts with a V neck or low cut top. You’ve got it, so flaunt it.
If you are slightly overweight, it can be tempting to cover up with baggy clothing. The problem is you are actually adding weight, making you appear larger than you are. Consider clothing that you control the size of, like wrap around dresses. Wear jeans with long tops. Horizontal stripes are out, making you look like a zebra. Smooth out any lumps and bumps with shape wear.
Now let’s talk accessories to give your outfits a boost of colour. Accessories can also give you the confidence you to pull off an outfit.
If you are a handbag lover and have large boobs, then you need a bigger bolder hand bag with a longer handle. This will draw people eyes down to your legs. If you are a little heavier around your bum and tum, then find a smaller handbag with a short handle to attract attention to your upper half.
Dressing stylishly doesn’t need to be expensive. Buy several pieces of clothing that can be mixed and matched, and a few key pieces of jewelry that you love. Throw in some bags and shoes that you can wear with any of your outfits. Some glasses and hats and you are good to go.
Over forty never looked so good.
Have your say:
What is your biggest challenge when shopping for clothes?
More information!
Claire is the creative director and blogger for Minkbaby, a site dedicated to taking the eek out of eco-friendly. She also takes a keen interest in fashion, which she studied.
Don’t miss out!
To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email
Blog carnival
Do you have a post you would like to share on aging? Submit your post to the monthly Silver & Grace blog carnival.
A woman’s journey from anorexia to self-love
Interesting how someone can throw out a hurtful, but seemingly innocuous comment, and cause long lasting damage.
When I was 11 years old, I stood outside a boy’s house with my best friend. She, through her giggles, asked the boy if he would ever consider going out with one of us. He looked at her and said “Oh, I would go out with you for sure.” Then, pointing at me, he said, “But I’d never go out with her. She’s too butch.”
Thirty-five years later, I can replay this event in my mind like a movie reel. It became one of several defining moments in my life that led to poor self-image. I love my body now, but to be honest, to this day if I were to ever happen across this man I would likely feel compelled to bop him right in the nose.
A single hurtful comment won’t send someone down the rabbit hole of anorexia, but you will see how it can contribute to an already faltering self-image. Fortunately, Silver & Grace guest post author, Joanna Cake, crawled out of that rabbit hole with a renewed and healthy sense of self.
“I’m determined to at least try to get through this difficult time in a woman’s life without recourse to prescription medications and maintain the body that I abused with anorexia for so many years. It’s tough when you’ve just realised how beautiful you actually are, only to watch the effects of the change take it away before you’ve had a chance to enjoy it.”
That’s what I wrote as a comment on Eliza’s post on Rosacea.
It’s been a long journey, but I’m finally coming to terms with things. Learning how to face up to the ‘stuff’ that made me hate my body so much that I wanted to punish it by starvation.
I think it’s well-known that anorexia is often about control. Things are going on around you which you can’t, so you focus on a process which you can.
And I think that was partly it. But it was also about rejection by some of the most important people in my life at a time when I was hormonally vulnerable.
They didn’t want to be with me, so there must be something wrong with me. It didn’t help that a boy upon whom I had had a crush for the previous five years told me that I had a ‘fat arse’… as we British say.
It was an elephant that was to follow me into every room for the next three decades. I hated it. It stuck out and I considered myself a fat bloater as a result. It didn’t matter how little I ate, how thin everyone else thought I was, my big butt was there proving them all wrong.
After my 20 year marriage finally bit the dust, a new relationship with an extraordinarily patient and special man was the turning point. To suddenly be told every day that you are beautiful and see the lust in his eyes, feel the love in his heart wrap you up and cosset you…. I cannot begin to describe how soothing that balm was.
I began to look at myself in the mirror with a strange curiosity, trying to ascertain what it was that he saw. And, slowly, very slowly, the veil started to be lifted.
After I began blogging, I became aware of a feature called half-nekkid Thursday and this was the vehicle that really brought everything into focus. To expose myself physically after years of enveloping myself in huge baggy clothes that were far too big was a real mental test. But, with a few admiring comments, I began to tap into a narcissistic streak that I had no idea existed.
To know that you are considered a beautiful woman and start to appreciate the features that influence that assessment changes so many facets of your personality. Confidence and self-esteem sky rocket. Of course, you’re still sensitive to criticism and rejection but a protective covering starts to grow from the many compliments – if you know how to accept them, rather than pushing them away and focusing on your own malevolence.
For a few months, I glowed.
And then my Menopause kicked in. I started to notice the patches of saggy skin on my neck and the inside of my elbows. And the taut flesh of my belly suddenly registered the stretching that it had endured through two pregnancies. Previously defined muscles began to become ‘unpumped’ and soften.
Part of me wanted to go back to the exhausting punishment of the physical schedule I had followed but the new me understood that part of getting older is learning to be kinder and more accepting of yourself.
I’m not giving up without a fight, but it will be a battle fought in a less gruelling arena. Yoga, Pilates and tai chi are the way forward. Exercise regimes that work with the body to promote all-round health. A mental relaxation that calms the busy mind to promote inner peace and a physical conditioning that will tone and stretch but not pump and expand.
The old me was frightened and insecure, a little girl trapped inside a woman’s body and desperately fighting it.
The more mature Joanna observes a fabulous figure and will take every opportunity to maximise its full potential whilst gently growing older.
In finally learning to love my body, I have also found that I quite like myself.
More information!
Joanna Cake writes about everything that life has to throw at her at Having My Cake and Eating It Too and regularly contributes to Tighten My Vagina, a site that tries to address the sexual effects of the Menopause.
Don’t miss out!
To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email
Blog carnival
Do you have a post you would like to share on aging? Submit your post to the monthly Silver & Grace blog carnival.
Aging Gracefully: How to Deal With Beauty and Aging in Midlife and Beyond
As we age, our spirits might be improving, but our bodies sure aren’t. At least, that is the message we get from the media. Fortunately, I feel more in tune and, frankly, in love with my body than I ever have.
Admittedly, some days it can be tough. Like when I see a perfectly manicured, pedicured, creamed, dyed, nipped and tucked woman walk by me, on a day I feel frumpy, bloated, and completely unkempt. But then I think of the money I’ve saved being just me with my self-maintenance regime, and I go give myself a manicure. Which, by the way, means I scrape the garden dirt out from under my nails.
Silver & Grace guest post author, Susan Liddy, gives you some excellent advice to ponder on your frumpy days.
Is it just me, or in today’s culture, does it seem like we’re constantly being told that getting older is a bad thing? The media bombards us with advertisements for anti-aging products. We learn which foods will keep us young the longest, which creams will make our skin more supple, which exercises will help our bottoms defy gravity like they did when we were 18, and which drinks will raise our energy levels so we can keep up with the kids of today.
Rather than being taught to embrace the wisdom that comes with aging, the message that bombards us at every turn is “Do everything you possibly can to preserve your youth!”
A great example of this is entertainment industry. Today, more and more mature, accomplished actresses are being passed over for leading roles that end up going to their younger (though not necessarily more talented) counterparts. The message seems to be that the aging woman doesn’t seem to have as many opportunities. And while this may be true to some extent, for the most part we tend to make it much bigger and worse than it needs to be. We over-focus on beauty, create stringent definitions of what it is. And we over-value youth.
When we are young we want to be older, when we are older we want to be younger.
This includes the physical beauty department.
Did you know that more than 90 million people purchased anti-aging products in 2004, as reported by the National Consumers League (NCL)?
So often in my life I thought that I was not pretty enough… didn’t weigh enough (yes, you read that right… I was too skinny). Today, I look back on those photos of yesteryear and see such a beautiful person. How sad that I couldn’t embrace that.
Now, as I look forward to aging I can see that one day I will have a natural ease at which I can carry myself. It will certainly get to the point where no matter what, I will look “older”, have wrinkles, and grey hair. And, there is something about that which cries out to me. At that phase of my life, I will “have to let go” of the struggle to look a certain way. That actually brings me peace– and today at age 42, I strive to embrace that “letting go” now as I maintain my health and natural beauty.
How about you? Do you fret in the mirror over every wrinkle and crinkle, no matter how slight? Do you hold back from doing what you really want to do, because you feel like you’re “just too old?” Try to think of the many ways your fear of getting/looking old might stop you from living your life to the fullest.
Consider…
• How your perception of age and how you look might affect your attitude about your job, your relationships, your lifestyle choices.
• How you might make comparisons between yourself and women who are younger, and how that affects your self confidence overall.
• How much time you might spend worrying about your appearance– doing, saying, and wearing things to make yourself appear more youthful.
• How much money you may have spent on anti-aging products and procedures…
Also consider…
• What you might do and be if age and looking young wasn’t always getting in the way of your good time!
• That easing into your senior years, without the pressure to always look a certain way, might actually be wholly liberating!
• That the comfort of being in our own skin, which eludes so many of us in our teens, twenties, and even thirties is often discovered once we reach middle age.
• That women who are older than forty (or fifty) often say that these are the best, most rewarding years of their lives.
Life slips through out fingers all too quickly. Why spend the majority of it worrying about how we look? Real beauty comes from within, and is apparent at every age and phase of life. Take a minute today to look in the mirror. Smile, and remember, “I am beautiful, inside and out!”
More information!
About Susan Liddy:
Life Coach Susan Liddy, MA, PCC, CPCC, is on a mission to let every woman know that she can live a confident and fulfilling life. Since 2004 she has helped women around the globe achieve goals and dreams such as heal relationships, write books, change careers, start businesses and create overall life balance. She is the Founder and CEO of AspireLifeCoaching.org, creator of the Passage to Empowerment™ coaching program, and author of The Secrets to Ultimate Living: What You Wish You Knew When You Were Twenty. Learn more about Susan Liddy by visiting her website: http://www.AspireLifeCoaching.org or blog: http://ww.SecretsToUltimateLiving.com
Don’t miss out!
To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email
Blog carnival
Do you have a post you would like to share on aging? Submit your post to the monthly Silver & Grace blog carnival.
Body image: Are we looking forward to aging?
We have come to the last post in our Body Image series. It’s been a interesting journey of discovery as to how we view ourselves.
Let’s do a quick recap, before we tackle our final question from the Silver & Grace Body Image Survey.
No, we don’t! Over 60% of us do not love our bodies. And it turns out it is the younger gals who are the least impressed.
Are we willing to go under the knife?
We may not love our bodies,but nor are we willing to do anything surgical about it.
Apparently, we are not. Over 60% of the respondants do not currently consider themselves sexy.
Actually, no surprise here. Love our legs, breasts, face and hair. Anything to do with hips, butt, and stomach. Nope!
Who do we compare ourselves to?
No illusions here. We do not compare ourselves to media images, nor to women younger than ourselves. Just to our peers.
Are we satisfied with our weight?
Only about 10% of us are happy with our weight. The rest of us are watching the numbers on the scale, hoping they will go down.
And now to answer the final survey question.
Are we looking forward to aging?
Bear in mind as we go through this analysis, the average life expectancy for females is age 80.
So, let’s started with the eldest amongst us.
In the age 70 and over crowd, two-thirds are okay with the aging process, while the other third dread it. It would be interesting to know if this one-third is dealing with failing health. At this age, I would imagine this could be quite alarming.
Our 60 to 69 year olds were split evenly between being okay with the aging process and begrudgingly accepting it. Nobody loved it and nobody dreaded it. Nice and middle of the road.
Onto our 50 to 59 year olds. Almost half are okay with aging. The other half begrudgingly accept it. A handful dread it, and one dear soul loves aging. You go, girl!
Moving on to those who have lived approximately half their lives, the 40 to 49 year olds. Almost all of them are okay with aging process. A small handful begrudgingly accept it. And one loves it. Again … you go, girl!
Last, but certainly not least, the young ‘uns. The under 40 group.
Half begrudgingly accept the aging process. The other half dread it. Except for that one lone voice who loves it. She also gets a you go, girl!
Notice that nobody under the age of 40 is okay with the aging process. They are either resigned to it, or fear it.
Ladies, it ain’t all that bad! Look what your older sisters have to say. Once you get over 40, you no longer dread aging.
Personally, I fall into the ‘I am okay with aging process’ group. At age 47, I have my wrinkles. If I pull a muscle, it takes longer to heal. I wear glasses for reading. I have inexplicable aches and pains that come and go. ‘
But I am stronger than I have ever been in my life. Not so much physically, but I have learned stick-to-it-tive-ness. So, while I can’t lift and haul as much at any given time, I will work at it longer. And while I can’t run the way I used to, I can go for an over 2 hour power walk and not get bored.
Ask me how old I am, and I have to do the math. The number of my age means absolutely nothing to me.
It’s not like I feel 25 or 30 or 40. It’s just that how long I have lived, and how long I have to live is not even a consideration.
I simply am.
And I will leave you all with this:
You’re not supposed to walk into your grave perfectly preserved,
made up,
and hair in place!
No!
Slide in sideways,
body completely used up,
martini in one hand,
chocolate bar in the other screaming,
“what a ride!”
Your turn:
Name one thing you are looking forward to as you age.
Name one thing you are not looking forward to as you age.
Don’t miss out!
To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email
Blog carnival
Do you have a post you would like to share on aging? Submit your post to the monthly Silver & Grace blog carnival.
Body Image: Are we satisfied with our weight?
Time for more body image survey results. This time we talk about our best kept secret: our weight.
That’s right, best kept secret. Seriously, how many of us are willing to broadcast our weight? It’s something we guard closer than our age.
We are either uncomfortable with our own weight and don’t want anyone knowing what it is. Or, we are comfortable with our weight, but are reluctant to share in case we make someone heavier than us uncomfortable.
Ah, we are such complex creatures.
The survey question asked was in two parts.
Would you like to lose weight? If yes, how much?
How did we do?
- No, I do not want to lose weight – 13%
- Yes, 5 pounds or less – 14%
- Yes, 5 – 10 pounds – 24%
- Yes, 11 – 20 pounds – 21%
- Yes, over 20 pounds – 28%
Actually, I am pleasantly surprised that 13% of us are happy with our weight. I realize the number is low, but a huge percentage of us, according to the survey, are dissatisfied with our midriffs, presumably because of the weight that sits there.
Those last 5 pounds
Ah, the elusive last 5 pounds. Why are we fixated on losing them? I weigh 131 pounds, which is a BMI (body mass index) of 23.2 and well within the healthy range. And yet, my WiiFit keeps encouraging me to get down to a BMI of 22. I would have to lose about 5 pounds to get there.
Why?
My lower body is very muscular which accounts for some of that 5 pounds. I have a waist. Yes, I have a little bit of a belly, but is that really going away if I lose 5 pounds? Or will it come off somewhere else? Like my boobs! They seem to be the first to shrink.
So, why kill myself to lose that last 5 pounds? What does it gain me?
Healthy weight range
Speaking of BMI, I am sure most of you calculated yours at some point. If not, there are lots of online calculators, such as this one: http://www.bmi-calculator.net/ I find it very useful for realizing that there is quite of range of weight that is considered healthy for one’s height.
A healthy BMI range is 18.5 to 24.99. That means I can weigh anywhere from 105 pounds to 141 pounds. That is a range of 36 pounds!
Are we realistic?
My point being, I wonder if we are realistic about our ideal weight?
There are so many factors such as muscle density and body frame. I weighed 104 pounds when I got pregnant with my first child at age twenty. Seriously that was way too skinny for me and unhealthy. I also weighed in the 140 to 145 pounds range at age 40. This was too much weight for my frame and I felt equally as unhealthy.
In both extremes, I had very little muscle mass. My ideal weight, therefore, is around 130 pounds. I am muscular and have tons of energy. For someone else the same height as me, 130 might be too heavy or too light.
All of this rambling to say, would it not be better to focus on fitness than weight? … just saying.
Have your say:
In figuring out your ideal weight do you go by a number on the scale or your fitness level?
Upcoming body image post:
May 5 – Are we looking forward to aging?
Previous Body Image posts:
Do we love our bodies?
Are we willing to go under the knife?
How do we view our body parts?
Who do we compare ourselves to?
Don’t miss out!
To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email
Body image: Who do we compare ourselves to?
In February, Silver & Grace posted a body image survey. The number of respondents was heart warming, and also pointed to how concerned we are about how view our bodies. So far we have answered the following questions:
Do we love our bodies?
Are we willing to go under the knife?
How do we view our body parts?
Today we answer this question:
Who do we compare ourselves to?
Up until this point in the survey, I have been concerned with how hard we are on ourselves. I was delighted, therefore, to find we are more realistic when it comes to who we compare ourselves to.
Here are the responses in order of highest to lowest number selections:
- I compare myself to people my age
- I don’t compare myself to anyone
- I compare myself to younger people
- I compare myself to media images
Ideally, I don’t compare myself to anyone, should be the top selection. But this is not the least bit realistic. If nothing else, out of sheer curiosity we compare ourselves to others.
I tend to have a foot in the I compare myself to others camp and the I don’t compare myself to anyone camp.
Allow me to explain.
The age guessing game
My comparison generally occurs as a sidebar to another exercise, which is people watching. I love people watching. And while I am doing so, I try to guess people’s ages. It’s a game a totally suck at, by the way.
Sometimes, I actually learn the age of someone I was involving in my secret game. And sometimes this leads to a very unpleasant surprise! It goes like this:
“Huh, she has to be at least 55 to 60, because she looks 10 to 15 years older than me.”
Turns out the person is 45.
“What? That’s two years younger than me! Holy crumpets, do I look that old? Do people look at me and think that I am pushing 60?”
Then I rush home, look in a mirror, and breathe a sigh of relief that I didn’t mystically age 15 years while I was out. And I conjecture that the woman smokes or was a heavy tanning bed user, which explains all the wrinkles. Then I’m happy again.
It does point out that at some level I am concerned about what age people perceive me to be. Silly, eh? Vanity, thy name is Eliza.
Oh, those lovely actresses
Not surprisingly, the age group who most compared themselves to media images was the Under 40 group. And I am not suggesting these ladies are more concerned about looking like celebrities, rather, we are inundated with youthful media images.
At forty-seven, there is hardly any point in me comparing myself to media images. The few my age who grace the covers of magazines are air brushed and botoxed to look younger. Since I am neither air brushed nor botoxed, it would be like comparing apples and oranges. At least the Under 40 group has a better chances of comparing apples to apples.
Some female celebrities to jump out at me as beautiful older women:
- Katherine Hepburn <- yes, I know she is no longer with us, but to me she is the epitome of natural beauty
- Judy Dench
- Helen Mirren
And I give extra kudos to these two actresses:
Meryl Streep for the scene in the Devil Wears Prada where she doesn’t have an ounze of make up on. And Diane Keaton for insisting on having her own near naked body filmed in Something’s Gotta Give.
But other than, it is hard to find female celebrities in our age group who actually look like they are in our age group.
Mary Tyler Moore and Barbara Walters, for example, are not women I never want to compare myself to.
We are who we are
Thankfully, we are not comparing ourselves to them. We seem to be quite happy simply looking in the mirror, or like me, doing the occasional reality check against women our age.
Have your say:
If you were to compare yourself to a media image, who would you most like to emulate and why?
Upcoming body image posts:
April 28 – Are we satisfied with our weight?
May 5 – Are we looking forward to aging?
Don’t miss out!
To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email
Body image: How do we view our parts?
Welcome to the fourth in our series analyzing the results of a Body Image Survey run by Silver & Grace. This time we answer two questions:
Which part or parts of your body do you really like?
Which part or parts of your body are you not happy with?
This section of the survey was free form text. What I found really interesting was we were all pretty short and sweet about which body parts we really liked. In general, people responded with one or two parts. But when it came to listing which parts we weren’t so fond of, people became quite verbose.
Once again, ladies, we are awfully hard on ourselves.
The parts we like
The top five body parts we really like, in order of preference, are:
1. legs
2. eyes
3. breasts
4. hair
5. face
What we don’t like:
The top five body parts we are not very happy with are:
1. stomach
2. thighs
3. butt
4. waist
5. upper arms
The stomach was listed more than twice that of the next one in the list, thighs. Add in the fact that waist is also in the top five hit list, and we are seriously not happy with our mid-section. Then add in butt and thighs, also in the top five hit list, and we are so not happy with our lower bodies.
I am just as guilty
My responses are:
I love all my body parts except my facial skin.
I am not fond of my facial skin because I have rosacea and I am very often red and blotchy.
But that’s it. I am good with absolutely everything else. But I’ll be honest, I work damn hard to keep the weight off my mid-section. I have accepted the slight roundness to my belly as a fact of life, so I honoured it with a belly ring.
But that is it. Slight roundness is all I am willing to accept.
What’s that all about?
What happened to our curves?
Look at any statue of ancient goddesses and what do they have? A large butt and a round tummy. Why? Because it was a sign of fertility. And this was sexy!
Renaisaance paintings? Curves. And lots of them.
The average dress size of American women is size 14. FOURTEEN. Not eight, not four, and sure as heck not zero.
And there is no way a size 14 woman has a tiny waist and flat belly. She’s got honest to goodness curves. Frontways, backways, sideways.
And yet we all either hate our stomachs, or work like mad women to in order to like our stomachs.
Notice how the body parts we really like completely avoid our mid section at all? Look down to our legs, or look up to our eyes. And if you want to travel downwards, you can stop at the girls.
But please oh please, don’t go any lower than that, because our waist is too thick and our stomach is too round. And let’s not even talk about our lard ass or thunder thighs.
Ladies, help me out here. When did we start despising any suggestion that we are fertile goddesses? And I don’t mean literally fertile, as in the ability to bear children. It seems to me, that by despising curves we turned our back on the archetypal symbol of our creative and nurturing selfs.
Interesting, isn’t it?
Have your say:
I realize I got rather philosophical here, but let’s run with this. When we started striving for stick thin flat bodies, did we stop embracing our creative and nurturing selves?
More information:
To read the first three installments:
The survey results are in
Do we love our bodies?
Are we willing to go under the knife?
Upcoming body image posts:
April 21 – Who do we compare ourselves to?
April 28 – Are we satisfied with our weight?
May 5 – Are we looking forward to aging?
Don’t miss out!
To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email
Body image: Are we sexy?
Welcome to the fourth installment of the Silver & Grace Body Image Survey results. If you are just joining us now, you can read the first three installments here:
The survey results are in
Do we love our bodies?
Are we willing to go under the knife?
Today we find out if we are sexy.
Apparently we are not!
Here’s the breakdown of the responses:
I do not consider myself sexy and never have – 30%
I used to be sexy, but not anymore – 30%
I wasn’t sexy before, but now I am – 4%
I have always been sexy and still am – 29%
I have always been sexy, but I am even sexier now – 7%
This means that 60% of the respondants do not currently consider themselves sexy. You would think that this would correspond with the 60% of respondants who do not love their bodies. But, this is not the case. Some people loved their bodies, but did not consider themselves sexy. Some people did not like their bodies, but did consider themselves sexy.
Adding to this conundrum, no one age group considered themselves more, or less, sexy than another age group.
What’s going on here?
Okay, when I get totally confused, I start with the dictionary definition of a word.
Sexy:
- concerned predominantly or excessively with sex; risqué: a sexy novel.
- sexually interesting or exciting; radiating sexuality: the sexiest professor on campus.
- excitingly appealing; glamorous: a sexy new car.
Alright, we will use me as a guinea pig and work through these definitions. By the way, I fall into the category of I wasn’t sexy before, but now I am.
Concerned predominantly or excessively with sex
No, sex is not my predominant thought, but it is certainly a daily thought. I do love sex! I make no bones about that. However, even though I have always loved sex, I have not always considered myself sexy. Hmmmm ….
Sexually interesting or exciting; radiating sexuality
Ah, now this statement explains why I have not always considered myself sexy. I honestly did not think I was sexually appealing, and this was sadly validated by the distinct lack of interest in me by the men in my life. Heck, we could go right back to public school and high school when everyone seemed to have a boyfriend except me.
It wasn’t until I was single in my early forties that I decided for myself that I was sexually interesting and exciting. This translated to me radiating sexuality, and men in return responded to my vibes and said “Wow, are you ever sexy!” This in turn made me feel even sexier.
Excitingly appealing; glamorous
Again, it wasn’t until I really took the time to get to know and love me, that I finally considered myself exciting, appealing, and yes, even glamorous. I became physically fit, changed my wardrobe from drab to chic, let my hair grow long and become its natural gray, and started experimenting with make up to play up the sparkle in my eyes.
I owned me!
And along with this, I owned my power as a woman. I didn’t turn into a big flirtatious tease. I just mean that I know when I walk into a room, most times I radiate feminine energy, and this turns heads. Not just male heads, but female heads as well.
And I don’t shy away from sexual attraction, male or female. I acknowledge that people may be attracted to me sexually, and I take that as a compliment. I don’t feel any need to pursue it, because I have one poker hot Frenchman at home. But to me, sexual energy is a healthy and normal part of the human experience.
I believe sexual energy denotes a comfort and confidence with one’s body and brain. And in keeping with my belief system, it is also a crucial component in the cycle of life and death, and the balance of male and female energy.
So, back to the survey results, I come up with two possible conclusions:
1. 60% of us are not currently experiencing a comfort and confidence that allows us to own our feminine power, and/or
2. 60% are not comfortable with being sexual creatures
Either way, I feel sad about these results, because I know how much my sexual self contributes to my powerful, happy self. It’s all part and parcel of who I am.
Once again, this is my interpretation. Let’s get the conversation flowing. What does sexy mean to you? How do you explain 60% of us believing we are not sexy?
More information!
Here is the posting schedule for the rest of the survey results.
April 14 – How do we view our body parts?
April 21 – Who do we compare ourselves to?
April 28 – Are we satisfied with our weight?
May 5 – Are we looking forward to aging?
Don’t miss out!
To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email
Body Image: Are we willing to go under the knife?
Welcome back to our Body Image Survey analysis. In February, the Silver & Grace community completed ten questions related to body image. If you are just joining the series now, you can catch up by reading these two posts:
The survey results are in
Do we love our bodies?
Now, onto today’s survey question.
Would you consider, or have you had plastic surgery?
Only 28% of you would consider, or have had plastic surgery. But, admittedly this was a pretty vague question. In terms of body image, I was thinking about ‘vanity’ surgery. I am pretty sure we can reduce the percentage even more, given some people have had, or would consider the following:
- breast reconstruction after a masectomy
- breast reduction
- re-constructive and cosmetic surgery resulting from accidents and burns
- correcting birth defects
So, for sake of argument, let’s say that we get this down to under 20% of the respondants have had, or would consider, cosmetic surgery for the sake of changing something about their body they do not like.
Compare this to the Do we love our bodies? post, in which 60% of women said they do not like their bodies. It appears, therefore, that while we may not like our bodies, we are unwilling to do anything surgical about it.
Or, it could also be that what we don’t like about our bodies cannot be fixed with surgery. Several of the discussion participants talked about their bodies not behaving the way they want, be it an illness or athletic performance.
The results were pretty consistent across age groups. Here’s a breakdown of the ‘no’ responses:
- Under 40 years old – 63%
- 40 – 49 years old – 81%
- 50 – 59 years old – 76%
- 60 – 69 years old – 85%
- 70 years old and older – 33%
Our senior ladies appear to be more receptive to cosmetic surgery. This could very well be the case, but they also had signficantly less respondants, so perhaps not representative of this age group.
If we could expand our survey results to the general populace, then 20% of the people are getting a lot of body work done. According to The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, in 2008 in the United States, 10 million cosmetic procedures were performed. They included:
- breast augmentation
- liposuction
- cosmetic eye surgery
- rhinoplasty (had to look this one up; it’s a nose job)
- tummy tuck
I briefly flirted with the idea of cosmetic procedures. I had severe acne as a teenager and my back is a mass of pock marks. On my upper back, in particular, there is barely a smooth surface to be found. So, I did consider dermabrasion. However, thirty years after the fact, it hardly seems worth it. I am bothered a bit when I put on a nice open back dress, but I give my head a shake, and thank my lucky stars that the scarring was confined to my back, and not my face.
Breast augmentation fascinates me. Not because I would ever want it. Quite the opposite actually. I like my breasts. I consider them on the small size, but I am quite happy with that. I am almost 47, but I can get away with wearing a tight sexy dress with no bra. Sure, the girls aren’t as perky as they used to be, but when I am exercising properly and maintain upper body muscle, they flesh out quite nicely.
I was at a party recently and there was a boob jar on the kitchen table. Literally a ceramic jar shaped like a pair of breasts. It was a piggy bank to save money for breast implants. I looked around the room, and every single woman I saw had perfectly acceptable breasts. Sure, the breasts were all shapes and sizes, but so were all the other body parts. But each woman was beautiful in her uniqueness.
It saddened me that the jar was sitting on the table of this particular vibrant and beautiful woman. But it saddened me even more that someone thought to create a boob jar in the first place. The message being ‘You are not good enough. Save money. Fix it.’
When the Dove Love Your Body adverstisements first came out, I cut out pictures of the near naked older women and pasted them into my journals.
Wrinkles. Pot bellies. Saggy breasts. Loose skin.
Radiant auras.
I’m going to look just like these women, I wrote.
Have your say:
Your turn to analyze the results of the survey. Agree with my analysis? Disagree? Something to add?
More information!
Here is the posting schedule for the rest of the survey results.
April 7 – Are we sexy?
April 14 – How do we view our body parts?
April 21 – Who do we compare ourselves to?
April 28 – Are we satisfied with our weight?
May 5 – Are we looking forward to aging?
To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email
Body Image: Do we love our bodies?
In February, Silver & Grace community members had an opportunity to complete a body image survey. The response was overwhelming. If you haven’t already read the introductory post, you can do so here.
Today’s post analyses the following survey question:
What is your gut reaction to this question – “Do you love your body?” Yes? or No?
I have to say, ladies, we are awfully hard on ourselves. 60% of the respondents said “no, they do not love their bodies”. As for the gentlemen respondents? 50% do not love their bodies, so they are equally as hard on themselves as we are.
I wasn’t willing to leave the numbers at that, so I drilled it down into age groups. I conjectured that perhaps the younger women love their bodies, and as we get older our love tapers off as our bodies age. Here is what I found:
- Under 40 years – 30% love their bodies
- 40 – 49 years – 45% love their bodies
- 50 – 59 years – 35% love their bodies
- 60 – 69 years – 60% love their bodies
- Over 70 years – 60% love their bodies
Turns out my hypothesis was wrong! It’s the older gals who love their bodies, not the younger ones.
My response to this survey question is “yes, I love my body”. I think the best way to describe my relationship to my body is similar to my relationship with my children as they were growing up. I loved them all the time, but there sure were times I did not like their behaviours.
I love my body. It’s strong and it’s flexible. It gets me places either at a walk or a run. It gives pleasure and receives pleasure.
But there sure are days I don’t like its behaviour. Like when it bloats up. Or develops red itchy rosacea. Or sends a shooting pain down my left hip.
These behaviours are always temporary conditions, so while I might get grumpy because at a particular moment I might not look or feel my best, I don’t dwell on it. It’s a case of this too shall pass. I know the foundation is strong.
This could explain why the majority of the older gals love their bodies. They have to come to accept the quirky behaviours of their bodies, and focus on loving what their bodies have accomplished over a lifetime.
But what of the under 40 crowd? In theory their bodies should be strong while undesirable behaviours should be few and far between. Or at this age, are they focusing more on what their bodies look like as opposed to what their bodies can do?
I also found it interesting that there was a dip in body love in the 50 to 59 crowd, then the love nearly doubles for the over 60 crowd. I think it is fairly safe to say that this is due to all the not so lovely changes associated with menopause in our fifties.
Going back to my parent and child analogy, it’s like having to deal with an extremely troublesome teenager. Menopause causes your body to act out and tests the outermost limits of your love. Then your teenager moves into her twenties, and its all so easy again. In your sixties, your body settles down and you can once again focus on what it can do, as opposed to what it cannot.
Well, all this analysis is one woman’s thoughts and opinions. I would love to hear how you interpret the results based on your own experiences. There are no right or wrong answers, so have fun with it.
And make sure you come back for the rest of the survey results. Here is the schedule:
March 31 – Are we willing to go under the knife?
April 7 – Are we sexy?
April 14 – How do we view our body parts?
April 21 – Who do we compare ourselves to?
April 28 – Are we satisfied with our weight?
May 5 – Are we looking forward to aging?
Don’t miss out!
To make sure you don’t miss out on the survey results and any of the topics and discussions, subscribe by RSS or Email
