Book review: Going Gray

I purchased Anne Kreamer’s book Going Gray, because I couldn’t believe that going gray was worth an entire book. In my transition from dyed hair to natural silver, I wrote a couple of fun posts, but a whole book? I was intrigued.

The sub-title was the clincher for me: How To Embrace Your Authentic Self With Grace And Style. Authenticity, grace, and style. Key words in the Silver & Grace philosophy.

Boy, am I glad I purchased this book! It is a funny and honest account of the psychological and emotional challenges that Ms Kreamer faced in her own graying process. But I was pleasantly surprised to discover the book is also an intelligent and in depth look at societal views on aging. Or rather anti-aging. And, why we fight so hard to appear youthful, be that by colouring our hair, surgically manipulating our bodies, or simply dressing like a twenty year old.

Deciding to go gray

The first chapter of the book describes why Ms. Kreamer decided to stop colouring her hair. I nodded knowingly from paragraph to paragraph. Her experiences were my experiences. From women who got outright upset at the idea, to the opposite extreme of going gray evangelists. It seems there is no middle ground when it comes to the concept of going gray.

Well, except from men. Her husband’s response to whether she should stop colouring her hair was benign “Sure, why not?”

When did all this colouring business start?

Ms. Kreamer then discusses the history of colouring and its link to our concept of aging. In 1950, 10 percent of American women coloured their hair. Now, the percentage is closer to 75 percent. The big business impact on our perception of hair colour and aging is outright scary. Think Clairol’s Does she … or doesn’t she? campaign.

Extreme investigation

While I blogged about my graying process a couple of times, Ms. Kreamer decided to take the analysis to extreme lengths.

First she created a survey with fascinating results. It turns out that gray hair does not make us look older than our real age, as is a common fear. It just makes it easier for people to judge our true age. Of course, this in itself is something people are afraid of with that whole “29 and holding” response to being asked how old you are.

(By the way, I was born in 1963 and not afraid to tell anyone that.)

But it’s when Ms. Kreamer uses herself as a guinea pig in her research that the story gets extremely humourous. Let’s just say, it takes a very secure husband to stand by and watch his wife sign up for online dating, and go cruising at bars. All in the name of investigative analysis.

Thought provoking

Whether you are gray, colour your hair and have no desire to stop, or are trying to figure out if you want to stop colouring, this book is a fantastic read. By talking about her decision to go gray, Ms. Kreamer is really addressing the fears we have of appearing our age, or horrors, even older than our age. As well as, the external forces which mold our thinking causing society to go from hardly anyone colouring their hair, to most women colouring their hair.

And in the process, Ms. Kreamer debunks a lot of myths on how we gray haired women are perceived. Basically, the only one who thinks we will be perceived differently, or held back, is ourselves.

But then again, we women are pretty famous for imposing limitations on ourselves, aren’t we? Time we learned to embrace our authentic selves with grace and style.

A healthier alternative to commercial shampoos

I find that as I am getting older, I am becoming more aware of the unnecessary chemicals I have been using. So, when I learned that the use of commercially produced shampoos is highly over rated, I jumped on the Poo-Less Train. I switched to a baking soda wash and apple cider vinegar rinse, and my hair is the healthiest it has ever been.

What are manufacturers telling us?

Hair care manufacturers have led us to believe that we need to use their products, and we need to use them often. In fact, they tell us the ideal shampoo use is once a day with multiple lathers and rinses.

What are manufacturers not telling us?

First, we are not being told that daily washing is not a good thing. It strips our hair of its natural oils, and forces an over production of sebum. This creates a vicious cycle of needing to wash our hair daily to keep it oil free.

But what is quite disturbing is that we are not being told about the potential dangers of all the chemicals that are being used in shampoos.

What chemicals are used in shampoos?

This list is quite exhaustive of potentially harmful chemicals that show up in our shampoos. And just because the product is advertised as mild (such as baby shampoos) or herbal, doesn’t make them any less harmful. The following is a list of some of the ingredients you might find in commercial shampoos:

• methylisothiazoline (MIT) – causes neurological damage, and can be a contributing factor to Alzheimer’s disease
• alcohol, isopropyl (SD-40) – dehydrator which strips away our natural immune barrier, leaving us exposed to bacteria, molds and viruses
• FD&C colour pigments – contain heavy metal salts causing skin sensitivity and irritation
• mineral oil – clogs the pores and interferes with our bodies ability to eliminate toxins
• propylene glycol (PG) – penetrates the skin and can weaken protein and cellular structure
• sodium laurysulfate (SLS) & sodium laureth sulfate (SLES) – can cause eye damage, depression, diarrhea, severe skin irritation
• formaldehyde – a neurotoxin linked to cancer

What are safer, more natural solutions?

There are a number of natural shampoo recipes, but the most basic one is simply baking soda:

Dissolve 1 tablespoon of baking soda in just enough water to make a paste
Gently massage this into your roots using your finger tips in gentle circles
Let sit for 1 minute then rinse out with warm water

This can be followed by a conditioning rinse:

Add 2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar to 1 cup of water
Apply to ends of hair only
Let sit for 1 minute then rinse out with warm water

Are there other options besides baking soda and apple cider vinegar?

Yes, you can find many good recipes on the internet. And you may need to experiment to find the solution that works best for you. For example, you can:

• add honey to the baking soda solution
• use lemon or lime juice instead of vinegar
• add essential oils such as tea tree, lavendar, or rosemary
• use a bit of olive oil on the ends of your hair

Is it an easy transition from chemical shampoos to natural shampoos?

I will be honest with you, the transition is not easy. Along with switching to baking soda, the trick is to also wash your hair less often. Twice per week is plenty. However, your hair is used to over producing sebum, and requires a transition period to balance out. 

My transition took five weeks, and it can take up to two months. And there are times when you want to grab the nearest shampoo bottle. I avoided this impulse by throwing out my shampoos.

What are the results of going poo-less?

Besides the obvious one of helping out the environment and my health, I experienced the following benefits:

• my wild Irish hair is no longer wild and frizzy
• my natural curls actually curl in the right direction
• the rosacea on my forehead has completely cleared up
• I have no more acne on my back or chest

I have also learned to work with my hair instead of against it. Each morning I take a look in the mirror and make a decision to leave my hair as is, rinse it with water only, or actually wash it. And somedays it is super curly and somedays not, but ultimately I let my hair decide. And I can honestly say, I have not experienced a single bad hair day in over a year.

Suggested reading:

The No Shampoo Alternative
When It Comes to Shampoo, Less Is More
Popular shampoos contain toxic chemicals linked to nerve damage

Your turn:

• If you have made the poo-less transition, do you have any tips to share?
• Are there other beauty and health care products you use that are more ecologically sound?

Gray hair can be beautiful and sexy

In my early forties, I made the decision to go gray. This decision was not taken lightly. Ask someone to visualize a gray haired woman, and chances are they will conjure up their grandmother or great auntie. Not the image I had of myself.

However, one day I looked in the mirror and realized the silver in my roots looked pretty nice. As well, I was getting increasingly concerned about the effects of chemicals on my head and the environment.

When I look in the mirror now, I don’t see gray hair. I simply see me. My hair is healthy, soft, and beautiful, and the woman smiling back at me is sexy and full of self-confidence.

Why does hair go gray?

Our hair colour comes from melanin. As we age, the body produces less melanin, and our hair starts to gray.

The age at which this occurs is based

• Heredity – my children have a double whammy; both their father and I started graying in our early twenties!
• Stress – the expression ‘this is enough to turn my hair gray’ is true. Stress hormones can negatively impact hair pigments.

What’s the best way to go gray?

• Partner with your hairdresser – I had to convince my hairdresser that I really did want to go gray. However, once he knew I was serious, we worked on a plan to avoid that horrible skunk line.
• Get some low-lights – my hairdresser suggested weaving in a couple of colours. At each session he applied less colouring until my hair was all gray.
• Layer your hair – first of all, a funky new haircut will keep you feeling sexy. Second, the layers, like the low-lights, help avoid the obvious difference between the incoming gray and your coloured hair.
• Go really short – this option is not for everyone. I waited until I was almost completely gray, then cut all the colour off. If you have the patience to wait it out, keeping your hair your normal length is quite fine.

How long will this take?

Hair grows about half an inch a month, so anticipate about six months to make a complete transition.

Does gray hair require different treatment?

Yes, the cuticle on gray hair is thinner making it more prone to drying and breakage. It also absorbs pollutants, and can look yellow.

• Use a shampoo formulated for gray hair – I just use baking soda, and wash my hair less often, making my hair extremely healthy and shiny. However, I realize this is not for everyone, so use silver-specific shampoos. But go easy to avoid giving your hair a blue tinge.
• Use a good conditioner – again, I opt for the natural solution of apple cider vinegar, but there are really good silver-specific conditioners available.
• Straighten you hair – gray hair reflects light, so keeping it smooth adds that extra zing.

Are there other changes to make?

• Update your wardrobe – once I was completely gray, my daughters forbid me to wear cream or oatmeal coloured clothing. They said it made me looked tired and washed out. “Think jewel tones, Mummers!” Now I wear black, rich browns, and beautiful greens, blues and reds.
• Add colour to your face – update your makeup as well. I really play up my eyes now, making them pop. You can also get away with a bit more blush.

I have received more compliments about my hair, now that I’m gray, than I have in my entire life. And rather than making me look older, I have been told that I look younger. I would say this is a combination of shiny, healthy hair and the confidence I feel of working with my body’s natural aging process.

If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy:

Book review: Going Gray
Why I went gray

Your turn:

Does the colour of our hair impact how we view ourselves?
If you have embraced your natural gray, do you have any other tips to share?